gay people

[ill-matic]

one of my good friends is bisexual. im the only person he came out to... nobody else has known about it until recently when he told his best girl friend.

for the past year or so ive been the person he's confided in, gone to for advice, to make him feel comfortable about who he is, helped him deal with that shit.

he has a cousin coming up to visit, and that cousin is gay. my friend wants me to go with them, to show the cousin around, and they want to go to a gay bar. my friend asked me to come, but i dont feel comfortable with that shit. i just dont want to go.

then he says to me that im unaccepting and implies that im not supportive because he "knows" of "heaps of straight people" that go to gay bars with their gay friends..

am i wrong in refusing to go? i try to be as supportive as possible. like i said before, ive been the only person that he's come to for advice and help on this issue. he's had nobody to talk about it except for me, and ive always been there to listen, to help out. i dont expect a reward or a pat on the back, but atleast an ounce of respect would be nice? it feels like he's slapped it all back in my face by saying im unaccepting etc just cos i dont want to tag along to a gay bar.

why cant he respect how i feel about it? why are some people so unappreciative of what you do for them?

 

[S. Fourteen]

You're uncomfortable because of the homosexuality and your friend, the friend who came to you for help, the friend who's been relying on you, is homosexual.

Not really hard to understand why he would take it personally.

 

[Casey]

if you dont want to go, you dont want to go and your friend should accept that. he is probably insecure and worried you may view him differently since he came out. so reassure him that the reason you don't want to go is not because you're a bigot or homophobic or anything like that.

this may reassure you though - a guy i went to school with regularly goes to gay bars. he is straight. somehow every time he goes to a gay bar he manages to pick up chicks and get laid. his rationale was that it's less of a threatening environment for women so a lot of straight women will go there and be more laid back. also he said that they expect him to be gay since its a gay bar and when they find out he is straight they get all excited.

 

[S. Fourteen]

so reassure him that the reason you don't want to go is not because you're a bigot or homophobic or anything like that.

yea, illmatic doesn't want to go because he doesn't have anything to wear.

 

[Rahim]

its up to you. why? because its about how you feel.. You accepted your friend being gay, and not everyone in your position would so thats definetly a good thing. take baby steps.....today you will go to a gay bar... tomorrow you will wear tight leather pants. ...

 

[Casey]

yea, illmatic doesn't want to go because he doesn't have anything to wear.

i think it's up to illy to say if he is homophobic or a bigot. you are assuming.

 

[S. Fourteen]

Read his fucking post. What else would he be uncomfortable about? Is the bar located in a bad neighborhood? The cousin is a mass murderer? Or is he afraid of being seen at a gay bar? Is he afraid of getting hit on by gay men? Maybe he would rather stay far away from gay people because that's just not him.

 

[Casey]

Read his fucking post. What else would he be uncomfortable about? Is the bar located in a bad neighborhood? The cousin is a mass murderer? Or is he afraid of being seen at a gay bar? Is he afraid of getting hit on by gay men?

Maybe he IS afraid to be seen there in case people get the wrong idea. That's a perfectly valid reason and doesn't make him homophobic.

Maybe he already had plans?

 

[S. Fourteen]

^ You're a fucking moron. Go back to defending Prince dumbass.

What wrong idea? If he's not gay then he's not gay.

Militant, I am your friend but I don't want to be seen with you because you're a fucking moron, I don't want people to think that I'm a dumbass. Please understand.

 

[Casey]

^ You're a fucking moron. Go back to defending Prince dumbass.

What wrong idea? If he's not gay then he's not gay.

Militant, I am your friend but I don't want to be seen with you because you're a fucking moron, I don't want people to think that I'm a dumbass. Please understand.

And you are a douchebag. Don't take your negativity out on me just because Pittsey was shitting on you in the other thread.

When did he say he "didn't want to be seen" with him? He said he didn't want to go to a gay bar. Maybe he doesn't want the people at the gay bar to get the wrong idea because he doesn't want to get hit on? Or, because when he goes out he likes to talk to chicks and the percieved notion is that this would be less likely at a gay bar?

 

[S. Fourteen]

Just forget it, this is apparently too much for your fried brain to comprehend.

 

[Casey]

Just forget it, this is apparently too much for your fried brain to comprehend.

My brain is not fried, mr. consonant period numerical figure.

perhaps you are just incapable of thinking outside the narrow scopes of your own thoughts and are so arrogant that you assume the majority of people think the same way you do.

please walk down to your nearest store and purchase a bar of soap, take a shower and scrub, this may stop your nuts from being so salty.

best wishes,

M. Twentyeight.five

 

[Illuminattile]

I don't think it's homophobic at all. It's one thing to hang around with gay people, it's another to hang around with half-naked gay people dancing to the Village People. I don't know what kind of club it is, but if it is a big nightclub like that then it's understandable why you wouldn't want to go.

That said, if you don't want to go because you're worried about getting hit on a lot, your fears are probably misplaced.

 

[S. Fourteen]

^ Yea, okay. I'm just ASSuming here, but something tells me that illmatic would do just fine in the boys locker room as long as he thinks the half-naked guys around him are straight. If he doesn't want to go, then he doesn't want to go - but it's all about homosexuality.

 

[illjoe]

Being uncomfortable with a situation does not make you a bigot. It makes you a human, its human nature to not be comfortable in certain situations. Like a vegetarian wouldn't feel right in a butchers.. ya dig?

Ill-matic has supported this guy for a year, let me emphasise a year. If he was a homophobic you think he would be there for his friend for so long?

His friend should be feeling bad for wanting to put matic in a situation where he is not comfortable. You don't do that.

Eventually your friend will have to come to terms that some things he has to do himself.

 

[ill-matic]

You're uncomfortable because of the homosexuality and your friend, the friend who came to you for help, the friend who's been relying on you, is homosexual.

Not really hard to understand why he would take it personally.

yea, illmatic doesn't want to go because he doesn't have anything to wear.

Wtf? How does this indicate that im a homophobe? I have absolutely no qualms with homosexuality, or whatever the fuck people are into. It doesn't bother me in the least. But just because im accepting and supportive of it, it doesn't mean i want to "share" in that - im not sure if that's even the right word for it - but, i dont need to go to a gay bar to show my support and acceptance of who he is. other dudes hitting on me isn't the issue. the issue is, is that i just dont want to. i just dont really feel comfortable being the only straight guy, going with two gay people to a gay bar. perhaps if there was another straight person going i would reconsider, but when im playing Mr. Third Wheel, it doesn't really tickle my fancy to be gallavanting in a gay bar.

furthermore, why does THIS particular thing have to be an illustration of how supportive i am? I have been the ONLY one of his friends to know about this. Im the only person he's come to, to talk to, and ive always been there for the dude. Hes a good friend of mine, and im there to support the guy. He even went as far as saying im pretty much his "therapist" because i always listen, i provide advice. We even joke about his sexuality. Thats how comfortable i am with it... And im not saying this in an attempt to convince myself, but im just trying to explain how i HAVE been supportive and accepting.. and i just dont understand why going to a gay bar is like the "ultimate" illustration of my acceptance.

I think you're just being a tad politically correct here. So, by your logic, people have to essentially go to a gay bar to really illustrate their acceptance of homosexuality? Pff, thats bullshit

 

[ill-matic]

^ Yea, okay. I'm just ASSuming here, but something tells me that illmatic would do just fine in the boys locker room as long as he thinks the half-naked guys around him are straight. If he doesn't want to go, then he doesn't want to go - but it's all about homosexuality.

man im tired of your self-righteous bullshit. are you carrying the flag for all the minorities or something? a gay bar, and a mens locker room is a completely different environment, so the point youre trying to make is invalid. youre just a moronic know-it-all. wake up to yourself and realise you really dont know shit.

 

[S. Fourteen]

You just don't want to go because of the gayness, and your friend is gay. The wrong I saw was you trying to flip this on your friend.

 

[Illuminattile]

I don't know where you live, but I doubt you'd be the only straight guy there.

And I've never been to a gay club, so don't take my description too seriously. I was just basing that off all the gay porn I've seen.

:horny:

 

[hizzle?]

if you dont want to go, you dont want to go and your friend should accept that. he is probably insecure and worried you may view him differently since he came out. so reassure him that the reason you don't want to go is not because you're a bigot or homophobic or anything like that.

this may reassure you though - a guy i went to school with regularly goes to gay bars. he is straight. somehow every time he goes to a gay bar he manages to pick up chicks and get laid. his rationale was that it's less of a threatening environment for women so a lot of straight women will go there and be more laid back. also he said that they expect him to be gay since its a gay bar and when they find out he is straight they get all excited.

Pretty much true.