The truth about orgasms?

Amara

New Member
#1
Sorry to start with such an 'in your face' topic, but this is something I've wanted to post in DFL for a while now, but didnt really know if it would be well received.

I read these statistics in a book once that suggested something like 70 per cent of women never orgasm during sex and a further 30 per cent never orgasm at all. I dont know if they are true - it certainly surprised me. Perhaps I am a little ignorant, but why is this never discussed?!

I mean, the idea you get from the media seems to suggest the female orgasm is much more than actually it is... or is it an accurate reflection? Are there psychological factors which prevent women from having orgasms? Is it biology or what? Does it vary from woman to woman... does a males performance make any difference? I tried looking this stuff up on the net but there's so much contradictory information.

So what is the truth about female orgasms??
 
#2
Amara said:
Sorry to start with such an 'in your face' topic, but this is something I've wanted to post in DFL for a while now, but didnt really know if it would be well received.

I read these statistics in a book once that suggested something like 70 per cent of women never orgasm during sex and a further 30 per cent never orgasm at all. I dont know if they are true - it certainly surprised me. Perhaps I am a little ignorant, but why is this never discussed?!

I mean, the idea you get from the media seems to suggest the female orgasm is much more than actually it is... or is it an accurate reflection? Are there psychological factors which prevent women from having orgasms? Is it biology or what? Does it vary from woman to woman... does a males performance make any difference? I tried looking this stuff up on the net but there's so much contradictory information.

So what is the truth about female orgasms??
Aha something I've also often wondered. Like you mentioned though alot of the info regarding this on the net is somewhat contradictory. Not sure if the percentages are an accurate reflection to be honest. I definitely think that orgasms can be affected by your psychological state purely because its a state of enjoyment and however your feeling has to reflect on how good the sex is right? Not sure about the biological factor although I believe it differs from woman to woman as different things turn different women on and I do believe male performance can make a difference. I find I orgasm more frequently (although not every time from memory, its been awhile!) if I'm on top straddling my man. So hey maybe sexual positions play a part in a womans orgasm?
 

Amara

New Member
#3
xxsaraxx said:
Aha something I've also often wondered. Like you mentioned though alot of the info regarding this on the net is somewhat contradictory. Not sure if the percentages are an accurate reflection to be honest. I definitely think that orgasms can be affected by your psychological state purely because its a state of enjoyment and however your feeling has to reflect on how good the sex is right? Not sure about the biological factor although I believe it differs from woman to woman as different things turn different women on and I do believe male performance can make a difference. I find I orgasm more frequently (although not every time from memory, its been awhile!) if I'm on top straddling my man. So hey maybe sexual positions play a part in a womans orgasm?
Yeah those percentages sounded a little extreme to me! I have heard that too, about it being easier with the woman on top... I guess then we are talking about a clitoral orgasm. Yet some sources, although not all, refer to internal or...'vaginal' orgasms - see I cant imagine that myself. That would be to do with pressure on the g spot, would it? So that would depend somewhat on the man, although I have no idea. I think you are right psychology does have something to do with it, you have to be relaxed and comfortable I think, although those that do not orgasm everytime... surely that is caused by factors which may go beyond psychological. Need some clear cut info here, I dont get it.

hey 3000 - shout out list, shout out!
 

k69atie

SicC's Love
#4
I think Sara could be right, as for me it takes a certain postition/s to make me orgasm, ie me on top straddling him, or doggy style, and a few others. But I also think it can depend on the man, and also whether the woman is comfortable as if she doesn't let herself go then she won't come! (in my experience anyway)
 
#5
Amara said:
Yeah those percentages sounded a little extreme to me! I have heard that too, about it being easier with the woman on top... I guess then we are talking about a clitoral orgasm. Yet some sources, although not all, refer to internal or...'vaginal' orgasms - see I cant imagine that myself. That would be to do with pressure on the g spot, would it? So that would depend somewhat on the man, although I have no idea. I think you are right psychology does have something to do with it, you have to be relaxed and comfortable I think, although those that do not orgasm everytime... surely that is caused by factors which may go beyond psychological. Need some clear cut info here, I dont get it.

hey 3000 - shout out list, shout out!

Shoutie list really ain't my thing lol, I haven't got the patience to get all those names right! :)

I have only ever had an internal orgasm once and that was by myself - so that says alot! And yeah I do believe that internal orgasms are about 'hitting' the g spot, which must depend on the guy or like Katie mentioned how comfortable you are with him, if you're relaxed then so are your muscles and I would assume that makes the g spot more accessible, although I could be wrong here but it would make sense, don't you think? I think it definitely must go beyond psychological matters because as you pointed out even those women who have no psychological issues don't always orgasm. What other factors do you think may be linked to orgasms or the lack of them then girls?
 

k69atie

SicC's Love
#6
It's so good to able to talk about this sort of stuff without the boys reading it and taking the piss!!

I really can't think why not all women have experienced orgasm, i have not had one with all of my boyfriends, and sometimes i don't get them from sex, sometimes i have an orgasm with just foreplay (his tongue!! lol).

Maybe the women who don't orgasm haven't yet found their g spot? I often think that if you don't know how to please yourself, then how do you expect a man to? Where as if you know what you want and how you like it, you can tell your man what to do? Maybe this is the problem, as they haven't pleased themself they don't know what turns them on?
 

Missy "C"

Active Member
#7
I think biology factor might have an effect on orgasms, (there are girls who can't lubricate, for example), but I don't think 70% of all women have a sexual disorder, so there must be another reason. I agree with sarah, your psychological state has a lot of influence, as it can make your libido go down. I think it's just to find a way to feel comfortable, and to find a position that works on you, but it's true that some girls have none of these problems and they can't come!

http://femaleorgasmsecrets.com/

check out this site it has a lot of info on the topic, but I'm not sure if all of it is real, as you said amara, there's too much contradictory information on the net.
 

k69atie

SicC's Love
#8
Maybe women concentrate on coming too much as because they are constantly thinking about it, it doesn't happen? Could that happen do you think?
 

Missy "C"

Active Member
#9
k69atie said:
Maybe women concentrate on coming too much as because they are constantly thinking about it, it doesn't happen? Could that happen do you think?
yeah, it could be, or maybe they couldnd't come in the past and they are convinced that they are not gonna make it this time
 
#10
Yeah, those numbers sound kinda exaggerated to me. I know there may be alot of women that have problems achieving orgasms but 70%? That's steep.
I think biology has something to do with it for some people. It has been said that some women will never be able to have an orgasm because of their bodies.
You have to be relaxed and in tune with your body to be able to orgasm. Position definately helps, least for me and I have to be totally into who I'm having sex with. I can't orgasm with just anybody, it has to be somebody I'm really into. My last man was the only one that could give me multiple.
 
#12
^^Pretty good site Missy, thanks. Did you see the Freud quote, something along the lines of orgasms of the clitoris being immature and orgasms of the vagina being mature. lol, good one Freud. :rolleyes:

Tina, a guy actually gave you multiples during sex? See that only ever seems to happen "personally" or through oral I've found. The reason why I asked these questions is because my best friend has only been active for less than a year and only ever with the same guy - she found she never had an orgasm, and asked me why. I had no idea! lol, because even though I never do either, I thought it might just be me, so never looked into it. But that is the misconception I find, the image sent out by 'society' is that women should always orgasm which, like that website said, leads men to believe they are inadequate... and women to fake it... damn shit sucks... lol.
 

Emma

Well-Known Member
#13
I wouldn't know a thing at all about orgasms lol but I'll put my two cents in anyways.
I agree that it could just be the woman not being able to orgasm, like there being something 'physically' which is stopping her from achieving it. I know there was some programme on awhile ago over here about women having something done so that they could achieve the orgasm that they could never have (I didn't watch it tho :/)

The psychological factor could suggest that you aren't 100% putting you mind, body and soul into it. As cheesy as it sounds. But I'd rule out that reason cos I really don't think that's true.
 

Steph

Active Member
#14
I wouldnt know anything about this either, but seeing as I was talking about this with a good friend today, Ill just say what has been said to me. That I know of, I have 2 sexually active friends, both of which confide their thoughts, and everything with me. I was suprised to hear that they both have never had an orgasm, they fake just to give the guy an 'ego boost'. They say they still enjoy it, but still do wonder what its like to have an orgasm. I found it odd, because its not like they've only done it once or twice, its been multiple times with different guys/girls. Anyways, I might not know much, but it might vary on women, or like katie mentioned, maybe they have yet to find their g spot.
 

k69atie

SicC's Love
#15
[QUOTE=Emma]I wouldn't know a thing at all about orgasms lol but I'll put my two cents in anyways.
I agree that it could just be the woman not being able to orgasm, like there being something 'physically' which is stopping her from achieving it. I know there was some programme on awhile ago over here about women having something done so that they could achieve the orgasm that they could never have (I didn't watch it tho :/)


Yeah i remember seeing that advertised, I think it was on channel 4, and they spend a fortune trying to achieve an orgasm!! Lol
 
#16
RIP2pac&kadafi said:
I was suprised to hear that they both have never had an orgasm, they fake just to give the guy an 'ego boost'. They say they still enjoy it, but still do wonder what its like to have an orgasm. I found it odd, because its not like they've only done it once or twice, its been multiple times with different guys/girls.
Yeah and i think that is the thing that bothers me most about it... girls never seem to be told this... it does come as a surprise to learn we females are even more complicated than we first thought! I dont ever remember them meantioning it in sex ed or even on the most education of shows - sex and the city! lol. :confused:
 

k69atie

SicC's Love
#17
^^ actually that is a really good point, orgasms were never mentioned in sex ed. I learnt about them from a book called forever by judy blume ( i think thats what book it was) and also from older girls talking about them.

I think there is a few books about the female orgasm, maybe they would be worth a read.

Also it amazes me how so many women fake them (i have done). why don't we tell men when we aren't satisfied? Why do we feel we have to fake them?
 
#18
I was watching Big Brother uncut on TV last night and strangely enough these girls were in the spa "masterbating" with a hose.... (??) anyway, one of them was saying that she never orgasms during sex, then this other says she never orgasms at all - not even by herself, now thats messed up!
 

k69atie

SicC's Love
#20
I read this in a paper yesterday how lack of orgams could be in the genes

Women who have problems achieving an orgasm may be genetically programmed to weed out worthless men who are no good in bed, new research suggests.
A study comparing identical and non-identical twins found that the ability of a woman to climax during sex is largely genetic.

While 14 per cent of the women studied had an orgasm every time they made love, one in three never or seldom did.

Scientists think there must be a reason for this wide variation in women which probably has an evolutionary origin. Men, in contrast, almost always orgasm - surveys show that only two per cent fail to do so.

A leading theory is that, far from being a defect, the failure of some women to orgasm regularly is actually a refined mate-selection tool.

Only men who are most skilled in the art of sex, physically attractive, or psychologically compatible will be able to make them climax.

These are the men they are most likely to stay with, and who would also be expected to make the best long term partners.

Women who orgasm too easily may really be the ones with the problem, the theory suggests. They are more likely to be satisfied with men of inferior quality.

The research, conducted by scientists at St Thomas's Hospital in London, also raises the prospect of unlocking the genetic secrets of the female orgasm.

"If we had the funding now, it might take us three years to find some of these genes," said Professor Tim Spector, director of the hospital's Twin Research Unit, who led the study.

Finding genes

Knowing what genes play a part in the female orgasm would pave the way to designing drugs that could help women to climax during sex.

However, Professor Spector said there could be "hundreds" of genes involved and it would be at least 10 years before any such drugs are developed.

The findings were published in the Royal Society journal Biology Letters.

Professor Spector's team carried out DNA tests on a total of 4,037 women, aged 19 to 83, about half of whom were identical and half non-identical twins.

Only identical twins share all their genes, and the traits that go with them. Comparing identical and non-identical twins is therefore an ideal way of identifying purely inherited features.

The women were also sent a confidential survey containing personal questions about sex.

A total of 32 per cent of the women reported never or infrequently experienced an orgasm during sexual intercourse, and 21 per cent during masturbation. Only 14 per cent said they "always" had an orgasm during sex.

Genetic comparisons showed that 34 per cent of the variation during intercourse was inherited.

In the case of masturbation, 45 per cent of the differences between women who could and could not achieve an orgasm was due to genes.

Prof Spector said these were bound to be very low estimates due to the inevitable errors caused by having to rely on answers to intimate questions.

In reality, genes were almost certainly the "greatest single factor" involved in orgasm. Asked how much of an influence they were likely to have, he said: "If you forced me to guess, I would say 60 per cent."

The female orgasm was still a subject shrouded in mystery, said he said.

"There's so little research on the female orgasm; it's a taboo subject," he said. "It's very difficult to get funding for it, and for some reason it's treated very differently to male impotence."

Surveys had shown an enormous gulf between women and men with respect to orgasm.

Women had five to 10 times more difficulty achieving orgasms than men, and while it took an average of 12 minutes for a women to climax the average time for men was two-and-a-half minutes.

"Why is there this biological difference between the sexes?" said Prof Spector. "The fact that it's heritable suggests that evolution has a role."

Orgasms promote fertility

One theory was that orgasm promoted fertility, he said. Studies had shown that women were slightly more likely to have an orgasm during periods of the month when they were fertile.

There was also some evidence that uptake of sperm was increased when a woman had an orgasm.

However, if this was the only explanation, all women would be expected to have orgasms.

"The other theory is that orgasm is a mate-selection tool," said Prof Spector.

"It's a way of women assessing men on their sexual prowess or ability which in a way is a marker of whether they're likely to be a good long term mate or not.

"The theory goes that if a man is considered powerful enough, strong enough, or thoughtful enough, in bed or in the cave, then he's likely to hang around as a long-term partner and be a better bet for bringing up children."

The genes involved in female orgasm could work on a number of levels, he said.

They could affect a woman physically, causing variations in the G-spot, the angle of the vagina, or the clitoris.

Genes could also work psychologically to alter a woman's confidence or mood, or they might vary the activity of enzymes or hormones.
 

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