Men

[Luv4Pac4Ever]

I just wanted to vent and my best friend is at work so I can't talk to her (she's the only one I talk to about men problems) so I decided to vent on y'all lol
Ok, I been talking to this guy for almost 2 years now. We're not dating, just friends with benefits. Although he is the only person I'm sleeping with right now, I don't think I'm the only one he's sleeping with. He says I am but I know him too well and I don't think it's the truth because of how he accuses and questions me about everything.
So here's the story. Friday nite he was supposed to come over and chill with me and the kids. He called and said he had something he had to take care of right quick and he'd call me back when he was on the way. So I'm sitting there waiting on him, the kids stayed up past 1am to see him cause they had made him Easter eggs and wanted to give em to him, he never shows up, never calls. So I wasn't home all day Sat until I came home to get ready for work around 3pm and I see on the caller ID where he'd tried to call. So when I got to work, I tried calling him til like 11pm, couldn't get in touch with him. So he finally calls me last nite at work and I jump in his shit for not at least calling to let me know he wasn't coming. All he could say was "my bad" So we get alright and we're talking and stuff and he asked me to bring him something to eat by his job when I got off. No big deal, it's on my way home. So when we closed, we didn't have one thing that he had wanted left over cause we sold it all. And the other thing he wanted, I forgot to cook because I'm on the phone raising hell with my kids dad. So by the time I get off the phone, I'm so pissed that I had just totally forgot about it and by the time I realized I forgot, the cook had already cleaned the fryer and turned it off. So he calls me back later on last nite wanting to know what happened and I tell him the deal. First thing outta his mouth was "oh, that's your new friend now?" talking about the cook I was working with. So I'm like...how you gonna even come out your mouth like that and what does one thing have to do with the other? Once again the accusations and questions. So he's like....nevermind, it's all good I just wanted to hear the excuse. So now I'm still pissed off about my kids dad and now I'm pissed off cause of this shit. So I just said....you just as stupid as you sound, you know what..don't ever fucking come at me like that again and don't fucking call me anymore.
I'm so fucking sick of men :fury: They think the world revolves around them and everything they do is ok and everything we do isn't ok.

Sorry it was so long but it wouldn't have made much sense if I hadn't let ya know the whole story.
Thanks for lettin me vent on y'all lol
Peace

 

[_carmi]

lol no problems

them men...

 

[Amara]

I cant help wondering why if he is merely a friend with benefits you would allow him such a place in your children's lives (Poor little things waiting up like that). I tend to think those kinds of relationships are doomed to failure anyway, I mean by their very essence they are free from expectation and pressure... yet that's exactly what is (and is always imo) created. If he cant make it over one day, shouldnt be a problem, if you cant get him food, shouldnt be a problem. I think you're kidding yourselves if you wanna call it friends with benefits when you both expect more things from each other than that kind of situation would call for. After all you both seem uncomfortable with the idea of the other being with someone and he seems to have been welcomed into your family... maybe you two need to sit down and talk about what you want so that you're clear where the boundaries are... "those" talks suck but it could lead to a lot less confusion and frustration if you tried.

 

[Luv4Pac4Ever]

I cant help wondering why if he is merely a friend with benefits you would allow him such a place in your children's lives (Poor little things waiting up like that). I tend to think those kinds of relationships are doomed to failure anyway, I mean by their very essence they are free from expectation and pressure... yet that's exactly what is (and is always imo) created. If he cant make it over one day, shouldnt be a problem, if you cant get him food, shouldnt be a problem. I think you're kidding yourselves if you wanna call it friends with benefits when you both expect more things from each other than that kind of situation would call for. After all you both seem uncomfortable with the idea of the other being with someone and he seems to have been welcomed into your family... maybe you two need to sit down and talk about what you want so that you're clear where the boundaries are... "those" talks suck but it could lead to a lot less confusion and frustration if you tried.

Well, we've been talking almost 2 years so he's been around alot and my kids love him to death and he's the same way about them. I can't really say that I'm in love with him but I do love him. I'm not seeing anyone else at the moment because that's just what I choose for now because I have so much other shit going on in my life that I can't be bothered with it. He just got out of a long relationship when we started talking so he's just chillin right now and not looking to be seriously committed, or at least that's what he says but in a way, I feel like he's just scared that Ima do the same thing she did to him. I've already tried to have that talk with him but he just keeps saying that he doesn't want a commitment right now. And when I try to tell him that I'm not gonna do what she did he just says that that's what they all say. I don't know in detail what she did to him because he won't tell me (I do know that she cheated on him repeatedly) but whatever it was, it really did a number on him because he is VERY untrusting right now. When I tell him that I love him he just says ok and when I asked him why he does that he says it's because he doesn't know I love him and I guess that's because he doesn't believe that I do because he's heard it before and obviously gotten his heart broken falling for it, if you get what I'm saying. I know it'd bother him if I was seeing someone else even though he'd never tell me that. He tries to be so hard but I know that there's a good, lovable person in there. And it'd bother me if I knew for a fact that he was seeing someone else too but if I let that stress me, I'd be a mess and I just can't see getting like that at this point in my life, ya know?

I just love you Amara lol You always give great advice. It's like you have an "old soul" and you always know what to say. Thanks.

 

[Amara]

Well, we've been talking almost 2 years so he's been around alot and my kids love him to death and he's the same way about them. I can't really say that I'm in love with him but I do love him. I'm not seeing anyone else at the moment because that's just what I choose for now because I have so much other shit going on in my life that I can't be bothered with it. He just got out of a long relationship when we started talking so he's just chillin right now and not looking to be seriously committed, or at least that's what he says but in a way, I feel like he's just scared that Ima do the same thing she did to him. I've already tried to have that talk with him but he just keeps saying that he doesn't want a commitment right now. And when I try to tell him that I'm not gonna do what she did he just says that that's what they all say. I don't know in detail what she did to him because he won't tell me (I do know that she cheated on him repeatedly) but whatever it was, it really did a number on him because he is VERY untrusting right now. When I tell him that I love him he just says ok and when I asked him why he does that he says it's because he doesn't know I love him and I guess that's because he doesn't believe that I do because he's heard it before and obviously gotten his heart broken falling for it, if you get what I'm saying. I know it'd bother him if I was seeing someone else even though he'd never tell me that. He tries to be so hard but I know that there's a good, lovable person in there. And it'd bother me if I knew for a fact that he was seeing someone else too but if I let that stress me, I'd be a mess and I just can't see getting like that at this point in my life, ya know?

I just love you Amara lol You always give great advice. It's like you have an "old soul" and you always know what to say. Thanks.

lol.

Look at all those excuses, but still... both of you can say "no committment" till the cows come home, it doesnt change the fact that a mere casual thing isnt what really want. I mean there is a middle ground, you can differentiate a relationship from a committment from a friendship with benefits. Relationships are more flexible than the labels we apply to them have us believe. It's not like you have to say, I love you, I'm committed to you... rather just say what you think, what you want - I want you exclusively but acknowledge neither of you can take on more than that.

 

[ArtsyGirl]

Sounds like he's getting everything he needs without having to commit, which really is the meaning of friends with benefits. If I were you and you wanted to move this thing along stop the benefits part, just be friends and if he truely does love you then he'll want more and thats when you can say you want more too.

 

[Luv4Pac4Ever]

Thanks for the replies girls. I really appreciate it. artisticgurl you have a good point. See we haven't had sex in a couple months now yet he still calls me almost everyday. And then two days after I told him not to call me anymore, he calls. So I ask him why he called after I told him not to and he says he was just sitting outside smoking a cigarette and that was all he said. So I'm like so you thought about me and called and he said yeah. So I know that even when I get pissed with him and tell him not to call me anymore, he still thinks about me enough to pick up the phone and call anyway. Plus he's been like super sweet ever since then. He's asked me to go to lunch with him, which he's never done. He came over to my mom's house last night to see me, which he's never done. And I asked him if he didn't want me to walk out his life because he knows he's got a good thing and he didn't say anything but he didn't deny it either so I told him I must be right because he wasn't denying it and he didn't deny that either. So I think there's something there, he just been dogged out so many times that he has a hard time believing that I'd be committed to only him. But I'm the type of person that if I'm having sex with someone, that's the only person I'm having sex with. I don't just be sleeping around and I've tried to tell him that but again he just says that that's what they all say. There's things he does that makes me think he has feelings but he's hell bent not to let me know he does. You'd think after almost two years I woulda gained his trust by now, and I think that I have, he just keeps saying in a roundabout way that I haven't because he's afraid of commitment.

I'm so glad we have this girls forum cause I can imagine the kind of responses I'd get from these little boys around here lol Again, thanks for your input, it's good to be able to have other female's points of view on things, ya know?

 

[ArtsyGirl]

Yeah it is, less or no immaturity