Friends with someone, lack of things in common

[Sebastian]

I think you can have very little things in common and maintain a friendship. I could be friends with you even though we don't have the same interests at all. One common interest (Tupac) that we do have would definitely not be something keeping the friendship afloat. In fact, if we met and you brought up Tupac as something to discuss, I'd tell you to fuck off lol.

What i realised over the time is that the majority of people i know label someone else a "friend" way earlier than i would do it. By the time they call them friend i would maybe label them a comrade (i dont really know if this is the right word that you use in english but anyway).

A friend, to me, is someone that i totally respect as a person. We need to share at least the most basic characteristics like honesty, friendliness, humour, reliability and so on. I like to hang out with this person because its fun but on the other hand i would be able to talk with him or her about very private things as well. I think two main points are that you could trust this person without a doubt and that he/she could help you out (with advice, or support in different ways) in every situation.

I would never label someone else a friend if i dont respect this person for the things that he/she does or thinks. Then, in my book, you are comrade....maybe.

 

[THEV1LL4N]

He wants to know how to destroy a barrier that's stopping him from sexing her.

im not sexually attracted to her, man!

its just that i hate all the akwardness and would like it to be free-flowing and no tension.

there was a point, coming towards the end of the last academic year during and before exams (around april-june) that we were getting on really well. i guess we were making the most of it before the summer holidays as we wouldnt see each other for 4 months. that four months has surpassed now, so maybe it'll take a bit of time to get back into it and gel together again.

the only way we kept in touch was through a few text messages to each other during the holidays. speaking of holidays, she went on 3 vacations, whereas i was stuck here because my company wouldnt allow me to take any holidays. other people must be feeling refreshed, i still feel as if i was continuing all the way through the summer.

in the first few lectures she sat away from me and behind me. why? because she brought her girlfriend with her. im not sure if she knows that i know who that was exactly. she may think that i think she's a student at the university or just a friend. her girlfriend is not a student there; she just came to keep louise some company. so that would be a contributing factor to the delay.

 

[Jokerman]

Friends are fables of our loneliness.

 

[THEV1LL4N]

i don't get why you care so much about her if you just met her and there's no way you can have sex with her?

if only your mental age was the same as your chronological age and you would be able to see things from someone else's perspective. surely you would know that different people have different needs and that is not what i am after from a FRIEND!

in addition to this, would it occur to you that people other than yourself hold different beliefs and values?

 

[chyeahh]

if only your mental age was the same as your chronological age and you would be able to see things from someone else's perspective. surely you would know that different people have different needs and that is not what i am after from a FRIEND!

in addition to this, would it occur to you that people other than yourself hold different beliefs and values?

hey man, no need for the (clever) shots at me. i didn't get it, you explained, now i do (kinda...). definitely not how i operate, but hey, who am i to judge? more power to you my friend.

 

[masta247]

hey man, no need for the (clever) shots at me. i didn't get it, you explained, now i do (kinda...). definitely not how i operate, but hey, who am i to judge? more power to you my friend.

So basically the only reason you befriend girls is to have sex with them?

 

[Jokerman]

So basically the only reason you befriend girls is to have sex with them?

No, to go shopping and gossip with them. And trade recipes.

 

[chyeahh]

So basically the only reason you befriend girls is to have sex with them?

not saying that at all.

i'm saying i already have enough friends, so that if i were to not get along with a 28 year old lesbian who i only recently met, it would not faze me in the slightest. especially not enough to ask for advice on a message board over.

i can understand:
- if she was a chick i was interested in.
- or if she was a friend i've known for a long time

.. but like i said.. i guess that's just me.

 

[S O F I]

i have to agree with dude...

come on, seriously...

dude is stressing over a chick he has no interest in and had a couple of milkshakes with...

i think dude needs to get some friends...or a scrotum...all his posts are on some 15 year old pussy shit.

 

[tHuG $TyLe]

some 15 year old pussy.

Hi, I'm Chris Hansen, take a seat right over there.

 

[masta247]

yeah that is a good point but Sandeep said that he likes that girl.
Personally I also care about people I meet and think that I would like them.

 

[THEV1LL4N]

sofi and chyeahh just dont get it. its the personality of a person that matters especially when you're in a class full of pricks with exception to a few people. that was the point i was trying to make, not anything about physical appearance. it would of course be better to maintain a friendship than to let one slip away knowing you could have done better.

things are kind of messed up and im stuck in the middle of everyone and its kind of affecting the way im working at uni as last year we worked together in groups. i feel annoyed often when i travel home sometimes thinking to myself where did it go pear shaped? i thought making friends with various different people in the first year but keeping the core friends of me and 3 others would be the best way.

everyone seems to have drifted apart and now i am sort of closest to louise and my other best mate. those are who i spend most time with out of the people doing the same subject as me.

i just really really hate tension, akwardness and silence when we should all be having a laugh. like myself, she has many responsibilities too so she is doing her own thing like myself.

p.s. i have many friends at uni, most of which do other degrees. friends at other univeristies, colleges, schools, work, organisations etc... this is not about the number of friends i or anyone else has because you could have the most friends in the world but none of them may be true friends. in this case it would be better to have fewer friends but those which were genuine (like she is).

i can honestly say that from what ive seen so far, i could put my confidence in her to trust her and rely on her (not that i like relying on others), but thats what friends are there for.

she is not selfish unlike all other uni students, and she has an open mind and is willing to help and do things other students are because they are either too lazy or just cant be bothered to do anything for anyone else. that is what differentiates her from the rest.

so yea ive written about it on a forum. there's nothing wrong with that - and if there is, why is it your problem? you come on this forum and in this thread to try and better your "image", by trying to blast others because it probably gives you a false sense of confidence which you probably never had hence why you resort to such methods.

so if you wish to make useless contributions (if that is classed as a contribution), just dont post your irrelevant F'in comments.

p.s. masta is one of the few people in this forum who can appreciate both sides of an argument and make a valuable contribution to the topic.

 

[chyeahh]

look man, if you're gonna post something like this on a public internet forum, you should probably be prepared to read some replies you don't exactly like.

nevertheless, since you seem to be after advice, i'm gonna give you some. you can choose to take it, or disregard it, i don't mind: don't put so much faith and trust in people you just met, and if you choose to, don't expect everyone to do the same.

i'm in a similar situation at uni where all my friends do different degrees/are at different uni's. it doesn't bother me though. i meet people in my degree but i don't instantly expect to be able to call them my best friend, or talk about emotions with them etc. from my experience most people are pretty similar. if you have a lot of friends like you say then who cares if you don't have much in common with this girl? if you don't really get along with her then keep her as an acquaintance for group work etc and keep it moving.

all the best.

 

[masta247]

I think you should talk to her as often as there's an opportunity to and you'll get along better.
This year I changed my major at university - I have a different class with totally new and different people. My previous class was really great, I liked most people there and we were hanging out from day one and it was actually like a pack of friends. It's stupid since I didn't see it that way back then and now this made me regret my transfer a bit.
However my new class is full of assholes. There are only a few nicer people but still nowhere close to my friends from previous major. I still want to get along well with these better people from my new group while ignoring assholes - most of them probably won't last long at this university. Even though they don't seem to be my potential friends I have no choice unless I'd like to be alienated which is not a good idea.
So yeah, just chat and do things together and it should be good. Don't worry if sometimes you don't really have much to talk about and just remain silent, even though these moments might feel inconvenient.

 

[tupac4li4e]

is she a hot lesbian?

is her gf hot?

LOL, always wanting what we can't have.....

Thank you so much. I always tought im the only person on this planet earth who thinks like that.

Same here.

LOL, you aren't that special boys, There you go now you at least know there is two of you. Should help you sleep at night.

you don't have to have a lot of things in common to be friends with someone..

Agreed.

I was literally going to post this exact sentence earlier, then didn't bother.

Plus a healthy Wii Sports rivalry, lol.

Do I hear a challenger ?

hearsay, friendships are born on the foundation of good communication and understanding, not just common interest

Agreed.

i don't really understand what the issue is here.

It's certainly not the first time.

He wants to know how to destroy a barrier that's stopping him from sexing her.

LOL

No, to go shopping and gossip with them. And trade recipes.

LOL !

Why don't you try and do some new things together, to create some common interest, new experiances bring out new energy in people, so if it's the same ol same ol, do something about it

 

[Da_Funk]

sofi and chyeahh just dont get it. its the personality of a person that matters especially when you're in a class full of pricks with exception to a few people. that was the point i was trying to make, not anything about physical appearance. it would of course be better to maintain a friendship than to let one slip away knowing you could have done better..

Ok thats cool. But what they are saying is why do you care so much about someone you just met if you already have a bunch of friends? Your coming off as a really needy mother fucker, which is a turn off to everyone, even rug munchers.

things are kind of messed up and im stuck in the middle of everyone and its kind of affecting the way im working at uni as last year we worked together in groups. i feel annoyed often when i travel home sometimes thinking to myself where did it go pear shaped? i thought making friends with various different people in the first year but keeping the core friends of me and 3 others would be the best way.

everyone seems to have drifted apart and now i am sort of closest to louise and my other best mate. those are who i spend most time with out of the people doing the same subject as me.)

Thats life man. Same thing is going to happen if/when you graduate uni and move into your career.

p.s. i have many friends at uni, most of which do other degrees. friends at other univeristies, colleges, schools, work, organisations etc... this is not about the number of friends i or anyone else has because you could have the most friends in the world but none of them may be true friends. in this case it would be better to have fewer friends but those which were genuine (like she is).

i can honestly say that from what ive seen so far, i could put my confidence in her to trust her and rely on her (not that i like relying on others), but thats what friends are there for.

she is not selfish unlike all other uni students, and she has an open mind and is willing to help and do things other students are because they are either too lazy or just cant be bothered to do anything for anyone else. that is what differentiates her from the rest.

So basically what you want is someone whom you can talk to and discuss the courses/homework with, am I right? If thats the case man why don't you try meeting other people in your class. How big is your class? They can't all be assholes, an attitutde like that ain't gonna do nothing but hold you back. You keep saying she is a genuine friend. How can she be that genuine of a friend if you guys can't hang out w/o awkwardness and tension being present?!?

I would like ask you. How the fuck do you know you can trust her? Have you ever been drunk with her? Have you ever been in a sticky situation where she's had your back? Fuck man, you didn't even talk to her over the summer. You gotta take these things slower or your gonna get hurt big time dude.

 

[THEV1LL4N]

Ok thats cool. But what they are saying is why do you care so much about someone you just met if you already have a bunch of friends? Your coming off as a really needy mother fucker, which is a turn off to everyone, even rug munchers.


Thats life man. Same thing is going to happen if/when you graduate uni and move into your career.


So basically what you want is someone whom you can talk to and discuss the courses/homework with, am I right? If thats the case man why don't you try meeting other people in your class. How big is your class? They can't all be assholes, an attitutde like that ain't gonna do nothing but hold you back. You keep saying she is a genuine friend. How can she be that genuine of a friend if you guys can't hang out w/o awkwardness and tension being present?!?

I would like ask you. How the fuck do you know you can trust her? Have you ever been drunk with her? Have you ever been in a sticky situation where she's had your back? Fuck man, you didn't even talk to her over the summer. You gotta take these things slower or your gonna get hurt big time dude.

okay, ive not got time to reply properly because ive got to leave the house in about 20 mins.

i hardly talked to her over the summer because she was on many vacations visiting lots of countries; like a tour. did i not mention that? if so, maybe i forgot.

i said, from what ive seen i think i could trust her. that doesnt mean i will trust her and put my life on it.

i understand that when we leave uni we will have different friends and go our own serparate ways.

i see people who come to uni on their own, go to class, sit on their own, dont talk to anyone and then go back home on their own. they are in complete isolation. no offence to them, they are probably nice people but they are shy, probably lack a bit of confidence and social skills. they should make at least one friend.

i dont want to be like that.

with my other friends i said i hardly get to talk to them now, only occassionally. i want someone who i can hang around with and do things with like i did with the others last year. but that isnt going to happen because of the falling out between my other friend and the other two - they dont get along.

where my other mate is a boy, he depresses me. all he ever tells me is how ill he is etc... and depressing stories and about things are going downhill for him. on the other hand, louise can and has many times make me feel better because the conversations we did have were better.

im not saying that we never talk to each other at all. the problem is that we dont have the same interests and coming from college where i had like a group of at least 5 or 6 close friends in my class. we worked together, went out and everything at college together everyday and all had the same interests, music, sport etc... and going from that to what feels like i have none of those is just a little uncomfortable.

im getting late for work now so i better go. i didnt write this as i wished to so will come and make another post when i get back.