Friends with someone, lack of things in common

[THEV1LL4N]

Okay, i have a friend at uni who is in some of my classes. let's say her name is louise (that's her middle name). shes a very nice, caring and down to earth person.

the problem is that we dont have much in common and have different lifestyle from one another

• she is 26 whereas i am 20
• she's not into sport.
• not into same music.
• shes always clubbing, getting drunk, touring etc... (which i dont have a problem with), whereas i spend more time with the family but do go out (not to clubs. not really my thing, but nice pubs are okay).
• lives far away
• didnt really want to say this one but shes a lesbian; and therefore makes her lifestyle very different to mine or that of a straight person.
• have different career paths so cant really talk about same one and help each other out.

many more things.

the things we do probably share in common are that:

• we both like going to gym (i dont get the time anymore)
• both gemini's
• both study 2 modules with each other.

.

maybe we do have more in common but i just dont know it yet.

the problem is that i try and speak to her and its always a quick conversation and then silence for a while. she goes quiet.

i try and make conversation again and the same thing happens. if she does the same thing happens. we are just two different people.

but we like each other as friends so it would be silly not to talk to each other and be childish.

ive only known her since january 2009.

question is, should i confront her or not? i dont wanna sound like a di*khead or anything, and i dont wanna cause an argument or a rift between the two of us, but just sort things out.

its really frustrating though. before i met her, i was mainly in a group of 4 friends. the others had a little falling out though i remain friends with them all and hardly get to speak to the other two. i am best friends with one of them and friends with "louise".

its not the same any more and i want us all to be one group of friends but i dont think its possible. and the other 2 from the group of friends have become friends with 2 people i dont really like (1 of which i just cannot stand) and they are the new group of 4; i am friends and now hang about with with louise and the other remaining friend from original group of 4.

i have friends who i see who are from other courses but i want to hang around with people within my course at uni so we become close and not distant. people who i can study with.

where did it all go wrong? and i havent done a thing wrong, my peers have all split up and im caught in the middle not sure what to do. my main focus is to concentrate on my education, but its hard when you've not got many people beside you or others to talk about work to.

 

[2Pax]

You've said it yourself, the most important factor here is your education. If I were you I wouldn't go out of my way to try and repair something that I didn't break, but at the same time I wouldn't show ignorance towards the situation.

Maybe you could direct the topic of the conversation towards her, ask her trivial questions and find out more about her. Sooner or later you're bound to find some sort of common ground.

The group of friends that had a falling out; surely these people are mature enough to leave the past in the past and move on, we all (well most of us) venture onto the path of higher education for the same purpose, whats the point in making it harder than it needs to be?

 

[THEV1LL4N]

thank you.

i tried to find out about her when i first met her, i was asking all the questions and getting to know her and all seemed fine. i know her a little bit now. im just running out of ideas, its never happened before like this and things just seem odd because we cant bond like normal friends do.

i think when she comes to uni, she keeps herself to herself. she might feel that she's getting in the way of me and my other mate when we're all in the same lecture. i dont feel that that's the case because i always divide my attention and treat everyone fairly, so she wouldnt be getting in the way. far from it.

 

[Bobby Sands]

is she a hot lesbian?

is her gf hot?

 

[Sebastian]

whereas i spend more time with the family but do go out (not to clubs. not really my thing, but nice pubs/bar are okay).

Thank you so much. I always tought im the only person on this planet earth who thinks like that.

Anyway, you say you both are friends. What do you mean by "friends"?

Im asking because you say there are many things where you both differ. Plus, you have a hard time starting a proper conversation. Two things that are usually not really common between friends.

 

[S O F I]

you don't have to have a lot of things in common to be friends with someone..

 

[masta247]

Thank you so much. I always tought im the only person on this planet earth who thinks like that.

Same here.

you don't have to have a lot of things in common to be friends with someone..

Yeah until there are no serious conflicts there (picture a meat-eating, Iphone loving religious redneck speaking with Casey)
It's more about personality. Most of my closest friends have totally different interests. Sometimes I might dislike their ideas but I still like them.

 

[Sebastian]

you don't have to have a lot of things in common to be friends with someone..

Well, i guess it depends on what you define as "a lot".

 

[Bender]

she's older and a woman that's probably more versatile, in friendship and human relations, than you think.

good that you mention about taking your education as the most important thing, she's probably thinking the same. maybe it's not as personal as you think between you and her, maybe her friendship is based on the fact that you are both colleagues/students of the same class, from this perspective nothing is personal. maybe the friendship that you see is what she sees as an inter-class-relationship between students of the same class.

 

[Shadows]

^omfg, is that you YESHUA!?

 

[Bender]

^ lol wtf


have you just recognized my new avatar shadows?

 

[Casey]

you don't have to have a lot of things in common to be friends with someone..

I was literally going to post this exact sentence earlier, then didn't bother.

One of my best friends is a meat eater and totally opposed to my vegetarianism. We just learned not to talk about it cos we'd just piss each other off. We both love Prince and hate religion though, so that's what we have in common. Plus a healthy Wii Sports rivalry, lol.

 

[THEV1LL4N]

ive just gone and lost a huuuge piece of text i just wrote using my phone which took me a while. accidentally pressed cancel.

yes she looks really hot because she dresses up smart too. her gf is pretty.

i met her conincidentally when our lecture was cancelled (first one basck after christmas). so i just asked her about it and intreoduced myself to her and so on and that lead to where we are today:

friends as in we sit next to each other in lecture. had lunch/coffee/hot chocolate together. went out to shops, study together.

ive never been close with her but id like to be a little closer and have more in common because i suppose it would make the friendship more enjoyable and rewarding. i'd like to have a laugh. share same interests, have a good understanding of each other and be able to talk about just about anything.

we dont talk about things on such a personal level and are only uni friends because we only see each other at uni and not outside because we both live far from one another.

she's really mature and so am i, but theres times i want to be a bit immature, crack jokes, have a laugh and have some fun. i know she does too because shes that type of person.

she is a very nice and down to earth person though and has a wonderful personality. she will be publishing her first publication in a few years when she becomes registered or whatever she has to do in order to release something. she is pursuing a career in professional writing. that springs some ideas to mind about some more things i could ask her about.


i think there was another important point i made which i have forgotten to include in this make-do reconstruction of the original post i lost.

 

[S O F I]

Yeah until there are no serious conflicts there (picture a meat-eating, Iphone loving religious redneck speaking with Casey)

But that's just difference of opinion. It can lead to heated debates but doesn't stop people from drinking together and having fun and discussing other things in life.

It's more about personality. Most of my closest friends have totally different interests. Sometimes I might dislike their ideas but I still like them.

exactly, and quite often different personalities mesh the best. People who are generally loud and talk a lot don't mesh well with others who are like them because the loud people need quiet people to listen to them...etc.

Well, i guess it depends on what you define as "a lot".

I think you can have very little things in common and maintain a friendship. I could be friends with you even though we don't have the same interests at all. One common interest (Tupac) that we do have would definitely not be something keeping the friendship afloat. In fact, if we met and you brought up Tupac as something to discuss, I'd tell you to fuck off lol.

 

[Flipmo]

I have that issue also, and I was going to post a thread just like yours.

Sometimes when I'm out with my friends in question, I just wonder ... How the fuck are we friends? lol.

Just different in personality, I guess.
Also like Casey, we have our differences, especially with one friend. I'm more spiritual (not religious per-say), and he's a full fledged Atheist, we don't speak about it since once we got wasted and started yelling at each other about it at a bar once and both got kicked out with some other friends (who were innocent in it all) for being too loud. lol. We vowed the next morning in hangover talks to never bring it up again. lol

We have similarities though in sports, vid games, and humor, etc.

I think overtime people just grow apart, become their own man ... but a real friendship can still keep it together despite differences.

 

[Bender]

hearsay, friendships are born on the foundation of good communication and understanding, not just common interest

 

[ill-matic]

i don't really understand what the issue is here.

 

[masta247]

But that's just difference of opinion. It can lead to heated debates but doesn't stop people from drinking together and having fun and discussing other things in life.
.

Yeah, I just tried to bring a point that sometimes you cannot agree on just anything. For example 2 people with extreme views (for example fanatics of 2 extremely different political parties who don't talk about anything else.). These guys would just annoy each other at every occasion, even going to the pub one could buy a drink the other guy really hates etc. etc. That's pretty rare though so yeah..

Most things that don't interest us make us feel neutral so we could potentially even start enjoying something our friends enjoy or in worst case just don't care about it.
However I used to know guys that I just couldn't get along with and it was usually a combination of personality and views on various things - I really dislike guys who loudly present random ignorant remarks regarding subjects they don't really understand/have much experience in. If that would be something that interests me and my opinion would be totally different I would just remain silent and stop talking to that guy until he changed the subject. However if he does it often I know that I wouldn't want to meet him too often as he would annoy me.

The point is that different interests are okay, even if there are single extremely different ones. If there are too many or if they're too important to you they might just separate you - even if you keep it to yourself you'll eventually be stuck thinking about it.
The most important thing is the way you present your interests. If you don't force somebody to think like you do or if you're not annoying telling about them numerous times it's okay.

Some people are just totally out of your world and you just know that even though you share similar interests and have fun together it might just not work in the long run. I had several relations like these.

Also in the beginning awkward moments just happen. Sometimes everything just clicks because you guys get along great while with someone else - even if you like him you'll just be stuck in a moment of silence without any idea what to say. I have a few friends I like but I often find myself searching for something to say just for the heck of it.
For example I visit my friend, we drink beer, talk for a moment and then it seems like we're out of topics. We like each other but something just doesn't "click".
It especially happens with people we just met who are shy and they often turn out to be great once you get to know them more but sometimes it happens even if you know someone way longer.

 

[Shadows]

i don't really understand what the issue is here.

He wants to know how to destroy a barrier that's stopping him from sexing her.

 

[chyeahh]

i don't get why you care so much about her if you just met her and there's no way you can have sex with her?