it'd be like the whole opposites attract thing.
he uses only the copy and paste keys, you pretty much use all of yours.
he looks like he's in his mid-40's and you're like 17 yrs old or something.
maybe you could talk some indian chick from the local 7-11 to give him a pity fuck and pop his cherry for him?
i know its a stereotype, but you could get a magic carpet and a genie, and use one wish to get him laid. genie's are known to be miracle workers.