When (if ever) is it okay to step in?

[Synful*Luv]

Stoners in my condo complex (renters not buyers) have three kids, little girls under the age of eight.

The kids are often dirty and smell like marijuana. They are occasionally unable to get into the building (it's gated and they don't have keys). Their hair is never combed, it's a matted tangled mess. The mom yells and argues with her kids as if they are both five.

Kid: "I'm cold"
Mom: "So what! You should've grabbed a sweater!"
Kid: "I want to go back and get one now, I don't want to be cold at school"
Mom: *grunts frustrated noise* "So now everyone is supposed to be late because you forgot your stupid sweater. This is ridiculous. You are so selfish. I am tired of you. COME THE FUCK ON THEN!"
*They turn around and head back into building while arguing and the little girl starts to cry.*

I'm usually against involving myself in other people's business. These types of situations happen frequently with this family though.

Would you guys consider this "abuse" or a reason to perhaps contact child protective services?

 

[Casey]

Yeah, contact the authorities if you're concerned. Gather some evidence first if you can, like that example you mentioned, the more things like that you have, the more seriously they will take it.

 

[Synful*Luv]

I feel bad for the kids.. but i'm also a big softie so maybe it's not as serious as I think it is? I mean.. ultimately.. contacting the authorities will 1. hopefully scare the parents enough to take better care of them or 2. the parents still won't care and the kids end up in the system..

Is the system better? Or staying with parents who maybe aren't the greatest? This is my dilemma.

 

[Duke]

Keep an eye on it and if things look to get out of hand, contact child protection services.

 

[Bobby Sands]

^^do they beat them?

are they very neglectful?

that incident you described doesnt seem that bad to me. the kid forgot her jumper and her mother was annoyed over it. have there been other incidents?

 

[Synful*Luv]

I don't know if they beat them.

In my opinion.. I would say they are neglectful.. I take better care of my dogs.. but then again.. IDK. What's neglectful? They are usually dressed, I have seem them outside in the park and at the beach (both are very close to my building) asking other parents and kids for food.. but IDK if they didn't eat or are just wanting to try something different.

They argue like that all the time, screaming over small things. One time would be kind of silly but not awful. But since she is always bickering with her kids, she just doesn't seem like she's ever in the proper mental state to be a mom.

There's probably more emotional abuse if anything.

 

[Duke]

Have you talked about this with friends/relatives that come around your place a lot?

They might be in a better situation than us to pass judgement on this. See what they think.

 

[Synful*Luv]

I have but we're all at the same confused point. Is it better to stay there where they are and at the least be emotionally neglected or is it better to tell someone and the kids may end up in the system?

Too bad once you call child protective services.. they don't do like parental training or something as opposed to simply snatching the kids away.

 

[Flipmo]

You can't really do anything about the yelling and swearing. I see it everywhere at the malls, stores, etc... It seems to me that now parents (mothers for the most part in my experience) swear the most at their kids, flip out for every little crap or just plain and simple neglect them. I dunno, but this new generation of parents are really horrible at taking their responsibilities as a father or mother at hand...

 

[Pittsey]

While to decent people like us it is aduse, child services (social services) don't look at it that way. It usually takes a lot for a family to lose their kids.

And the sad part is the kids will more than likely grow up to be as shitty members of society as their parents.

 

[Shadows]

If the kids smell like Marijuana, that's pretty bad and neglect right there.
CPS, imo.

 

[dilla]

Take pictures and video of the outbursts for a week. Keep a list of the "intangibles" like smell and things you hear off camera. This should be enough for them to at least keep an eye on the family in the future.

This isn't all that bad for a city family. Pac was selling crack or something at their age.

 

[Pittsey]

This isn't all that bad for a city family. Pac was selling crack or something at their age.

I hope that was a joke.

 

[Jokerman]

I bet they're Pakistani Muslims.

(yes, that was a joke)

 

[Synful*Luv]

Take pictures and video of the outbursts for a week. Keep a list of the "intangibles" like smell and things you hear off camera. This should be enough for them to at least keep an eye on the family in the future.

This isn't all that bad for a city family. Pac was selling crack or something at their age.

That's not a bad idea... i'll start doing that.

A "city" family.. I guess meaning a low-income family in the "hood"? LOL.. that's not what these people are and that's not the neighborhood at all. Regardless, although it's more likely to happen in the "hood" or to a "city" family, lol, that still doesn't make it right. But people in those types of areas tend to be less likely to notice that something may be "wrong" in a family because everyone has their own problems to deal with.

 

[THEV1LL4N]

i'd also say keep an eye out on the situation, but don't become active in the situation. i see where you're coming from with your dilemma...

just wondering, you talk about neglect. do the kids seem as though they have good clothing, school gear etc or is it evident they're being neglected from those necessities too... this question comes from the thought of them having rugged hair and smelling of marijuana.

Is the lady a single parent or does she have a partner who helps out? if so, how is he with his approach?

Is this the kind of thing that happens on a regular as in daily basis? Are the kids naughty, good or mischievous as kids usually are? i.e. from what you've seen, do they give reasons to be shouted at? or is the mum shouting at them totally unnecessary in those situations?

 

[Tha_Wood]

i dont like the idea of them smelling like weed. that would mean the parents are most likely smoking the shit near them.

im going to tell a little story because its on the topic of child neglect/shitty parenting/worthless members of society.

i had a cousin who passed away a few years ago, he had a partner and she was pregnant with his child. my cousin and his partner were not ideal citizens, i would refer to there type as scum. they were heroin junkies. so anyway, he dies, she has the kid. the woman was raised by a shitty mother, and in turn she became a shitty mother. the mother went to jail a few years ago for unlicensed driving(she had been caught like 30 times for it) and the kid went to my aunty and uncle. once she got out of jail she got custody of the kid again. after a while the kid was removed from her custody and given back to my aunty and uncle. the reason she lost the kid again is because her live in boy friend is a pretty bad dude from what i understand and the authorities said if he is living here the child cant. so she refused to kick the boyfriend out and she lost the kid again. a few weeks ago somebody broke into her and the boyfriends house and attacked her with a hammer. she had to get part of her skull removed and she was pretty fucked. then last week somebody broke in again and stabbed the boyfriend a few times. im glad the child isnt there, but im also disappointed the mother and the boyfriend didnt die from there attacks.

 

[ARon]

This really doesn't sound that bad...not enough to maybe get these people's children taken away. Yeah they don't sound like ideal parents at all but the system is not good, it will not help, it is not the answer. If you are that concerned you should step in and say something to the parents directly. Not this covert camera write a journal of someone else's life shit. Go up to them and say something. Don't be offensive just be the concerned individual that you are. Of course you are going to get the dont tell me how to raise my kids spiel but if you stay calm and try not to be to offensive hopefully the parents will take notice. Especially if you bring up seeing their kids asking other people for food, that is embarrassing and it might be something the parents dont know is happening. Try not to bring up weed either, pot smokers absolutely hate that anti dope shit, that'll throw your cause off right away. But yeah, say something to them, fuck the feds

 

[Duke]

I bet they're Pakistani Muslims.

(yes, that was a joke)

It doesn't work so well if you have to put in a disclaimer

 

[dilla]

^^ Yeah, I figured I didn't have to add an "lol jk" at the end, but some people just have to clarify anyways.