The Ex-factor...

[Katarina]

A while ago I heard my boyfriend talk on the phone with a girl who was having problems with her boyfriend, I figured it was one of his female friends and didn't pay much attention. Then he told me it was his ex and that she calls him like once a year, usually when she has a problem. Then a week later she called again, about the same problem.

Now I'm thinking, who on earth would call their ex when they have relationship problems? Does she not have any other friends? It's not like he gives the best advice in the whole world either, clearly she must know people who give just as good advice as him if not better. (Actually I've never met her, but whatever.) I think she's just calling him because she wants him to comfort her like, "aww, you should be with someone who really deserves you" and all that bullshit.

The worst part is that he thinks I'm being irrational and jealous, like I don't trust him. I do trust him, I just don't trust other women. I don't want girls who know what he's like in bed to call him and want to be comforted. That's not weird, is it?

 

[k69atie]

No it isn't weird. I totally agree with you. I wouldn't want my boyfriend talking to his ex about her relationship problems (or even talking to her to be honest)

She sounds like she does it for attention. Like you say does she have no other friends she can lean on? Or does she think your boyfriend will feel sorry for her?

You're not weird girl

 

[Amara]

I can totally understand what you mean, in the same situation I'd feel the same but then again if I put myself in her shoes, I can understand that too. Sometimes now the only person who I really think "gets" me is my ex. Friends and family are there I know but once you've spent time with someone in a close way there's things they understand about you that others just wouldnt and if the relationship is way over (which it sounds to be) then they are more likely to be honest, tell you like it is - whereas friends merely cushion, tell you what you wanna hear. Maybe ask him if there's anything you can do to help (help to get her to bugger off, lol) and if it persists casually mention that if things are so bad, it's her boyfriend she needs to speak to because that's the only way things will improve.

 

[ArtsyGirl]

I think your right to feel wierd about it. Especially since you said she only calls like once a year and generally about love problems, its not like they are friends. If they were to talk about other stuff you should feel more comfortable but since its not your bf should understand. But if you trust him you trust him, it doesnt matter if other women have plans of their own if he's loyal nothing will happen.

 

[_carmi]

seriously, i totally agree with you. she has friends. personally tho i only lean on myself my friends not being really people who give good advice (they'd tell me if i'd be sad or something to go clubbing with them..) but i'd never ever go to my ex to ask him advice. she's clearly seeking attention. i know personally i dont want my bf to talk to his exs and he thinks the same about me. and its not like if your bf was still friends with her and they talked weekly or monthly. its not like if it was his bestfriend or whatever that they both confide in. so her point of going to him is totally wrong. its over, cant she just make her own life?

 

[k69atie]

I totally agree carmi

 

[_carmi]

makes me think last friday my bf found pics of me and my ex that i still had on my computer. he was all sad saying i still cared bout the other one and i was like no i can delete them for you if you want. and i deleted them.

i'm not the type of girl to keep souvenirs of people because i still care bout them, its more like i'm like old grandparents who like souvenirs just because they are souvenirs. but whatever they're deleted and its not like i cared and he was happy.

 

[Katarina]

I can totally understand what you mean, in the same situation I'd feel the same but then again if I put myself in her shoes, I can understand that too. Sometimes now the only person who I really think "gets" me is my ex. Friends and family are there I know but once you've spent time with someone in a close way there's things they understand about you that others just wouldnt and if the relationship is way over (which it sounds to be) then they are more likely to be honest, tell you like it is - whereas friends merely cushion, tell you what you wanna hear. Maybe ask him if there's anything you can do to help (help to get her to bugger off, lol) and if it persists casually mention that if things are so bad, it's her boyfriend she needs to speak to because that's the only way things will improve.

I think it's because I've never stayed friends with people I've dated. It sounds cruel but I have no problem giving up people and once I've been intimate with someone and it didn't work out, I want nothing to do with them.

My boyfriend and this girl were together for three and a half years. And while I believe him when he says that he is over her and that they were not right for each other, I find it weird for her to ask him for advice concerning love when she had those feelings for him once. It's not that I think she wants him back either, I do believe she has her own life still it... bothers me.

 

[_carmi]

^yeah there's stuff like that that even tho seems alright, i still bothers you.

 

[Amara]

I think it's because I've never stayed friends with people I've dated. It sounds cruel but I have no problem giving up people and once I've been intimate with someone and it didn't work out, I want nothing to do with them.

Yeah i can understand that, i'm the same. In many ways it is easier.

 

[k69atie]

I think it's because I've never stayed friends with people I've dated. It sounds cruel but I have no problem giving up people and once I've been intimate with someone and it didn't work out, I want nothing to do with them.My boyfriend and this girl were together for three and a half years. And while I believe him when he says that he is over her and that they were not right for each other, I find it weird for her to ask him for advice concerning love when she had those feelings for him once. It's not that I think she wants him back either, I do believe she has her own life still it... bothers me.

i am the same. it would bother me too