ranHumDumDrumalum
- Thread starter roaches
- Start date
the brief wondrous life of a boner
her: What're you doing?
hero: I'm waiting for your Xanax to kick in so I can step outside and smoke a cigarette in peace.
hero: *shown the door*
ffwd:
On page 13356 of our google search, we find a message board where someone has posted links to the bigmouthfuls episode with the budding starlet who looks like Ms. Summer-Before-Senior-Year*. Click the link. You must be registered. Back. Cached... success! We find the appropriate reply in the megathread** and see, sweetturkeybaconbreathallah-god-damn-it, multiple avi files. And multiple rapidshare links. We don't have a premium account. And if we did, we'd be too nervous about the prospect of having to identify multiple groups of cats even though giving the Germans or whomever money is supposed to be good for your fur allergies.
We've seen the trailer. There's only one part that looks promising. The right position. But which one is it in? Is it in bmf-2343a? b? c? d? What do you do? How do you decide? Do you assume the trailer goes in chronological order with the actual scene? Do you just analyze it, eliminate some possibilities? There's no way it's a, she's gotta be sucking/licking/getting sucked/licked well into part b.
We're not a gambler. We don't know what to do. All we have is a slightly sad sense of the rhythm of popular pornography. Is that enough? We make a decision, and click. Happy hour (everything minus one is going out way). Click. Wait. If it's the right one, we celebrate. We lock the door, fire up VLC, and wait and either
a) It's the right one. This is a happy but uninteresting situation.
b) It's not. So we go back. We wait xx amount of minutes before we can download again, and try again. Just playing. We take what we can get, pile up the rag and toss it in the corner, look back at our still open pornography in disgust at the entire enterprise, and fall asleep where we are without taking out our contacts or brushing our teeth.
*this is a justification/explanation for actively seeking out porn
featuring performers un-cute enough to require explaining why you're seeking them out specifically. I gingerly jerk off onto one of the promo t-shirts I've never worn not just because I can't find a hole to fill, but because I have holes to fill (note: research appropriate emoticon - enough to mask emotional scars while suggesting having a sense of humor about a much milder form of it).
**These things always end up being in megathreads. You hang onto these links. You treasure them until someone asks to borrow your laptop and you end up deleting the txt file you hid the URL(s) in because you're just that paranoid and ashamed of yourself, never mind the fact that, ya know, not a big fucking deal.
her: What're you doing?
hero: I'm waiting for your Xanax to kick in so I can step outside and smoke a cigarette in peace.
hero: *shown the door*
ffwd:
On page 13356 of our google search, we find a message board where someone has posted links to the bigmouthfuls episode with the budding starlet who looks like Ms. Summer-Before-Senior-Year*. Click the link. You must be registered. Back. Cached... success! We find the appropriate reply in the megathread** and see, sweetturkeybaconbreathallah-god-damn-it, multiple avi files. And multiple rapidshare links. We don't have a premium account. And if we did, we'd be too nervous about the prospect of having to identify multiple groups of cats even though giving the Germans or whomever money is supposed to be good for your fur allergies.
We've seen the trailer. There's only one part that looks promising. The right position. But which one is it in? Is it in bmf-2343a? b? c? d? What do you do? How do you decide? Do you assume the trailer goes in chronological order with the actual scene? Do you just analyze it, eliminate some possibilities? There's no way it's a, she's gotta be sucking/licking/getting sucked/licked well into part b.
We're not a gambler. We don't know what to do. All we have is a slightly sad sense of the rhythm of popular pornography. Is that enough? We make a decision, and click. Happy hour (everything minus one is going out way). Click. Wait. If it's the right one, we celebrate. We lock the door, fire up VLC, and wait and either
a) It's the right one. This is a happy but uninteresting situation.
b) It's not. So we go back. We wait xx amount of minutes before we can download again, and try again. Just playing. We take what we can get, pile up the rag and toss it in the corner, look back at our still open pornography in disgust at the entire enterprise, and fall asleep where we are without taking out our contacts or brushing our teeth.
*this is a justification/explanation for actively seeking out porn
featuring performers un-cute enough to require explaining why you're seeking them out specifically. I gingerly jerk off onto one of the promo t-shirts I've never worn not just because I can't find a hole to fill, but because I have holes to fill (note: research appropriate emoticon - enough to mask emotional scars while suggesting having a sense of humor about a much milder form of it).
**These things always end up being in megathreads. You hang onto these links. You treasure them until someone asks to borrow your laptop and you end up deleting the txt file you hid the URL(s) in because you're just that paranoid and ashamed of yourself, never mind the fact that, ya know, not a big fucking deal.
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