Official "Tell Me A Joke" Thread
- Thread starter Illuminattile
- Start date
Whats an Italian woman with a heist infection?
A wopper with cheese.
A wopper with cheese.
like ken griffey's 599th homer... come on guys, this is history we're witnessing... give jr. more coverage than what he's getting?
wait, why do niggers always have sex on their minds?
EDIT: oh, it's cuz they got pubes on their heads...
Catholic School Girls, Patriots Joke, Affair Joke
Catholic school girls:
A busload full of Catholic school girls are on their way to a track meet when the bus goes off a bridge on an icy highway...killing all of the occupants.
The girls are all lined up in front of heavens' gates to meet St. Peter. St. Peter. asks the first girl: "Have you ever touched a male organ?". The first girl replies: "Well, once with the tip of my finger"
St. Peter replies: "Dip your finger into the Holy water and pass on through the gates".
St. Peter then proceeds to ask the second girl in line the same question, "Have you ever touched a male organ?" The second girl replies: "I once held one in my hand".
St. Peter replies: "Place your hand into the Holy water and pass on through the gates"
All of the sudden, there is commotion in the line and St. Peter sees a girl pushing and shoving her way to the front. When the girl arrives, standing in front of St. Peter...he asks her, "Why Mary, what seems to be the problem?".
Mary hesitates, and then sheepishly looks up at St. Peter before replying:
"If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy water, I wanna do it before Gina sticks her butt in it" !!
*********************************************
4 football fans; A giants fan , a packers fan, a chargers fan, and a patriots fan. All climb a mountain and start arguing about who loves their team more.
The giants fan insists he is the most loyal. He jumps off the mountain and yells "this is for the giants!!"
Not to be outdone the green bay fan jumps off and yells "this is for the packers!!!"
Next the the San Diego fan is next to profess his love and yells "this is for everyone!!!!!" and pushes the patriots fan off the mountain.
********************************************
An Order of Spaghetti A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
''But how will I let you know the baby is born?'' she asked. He replied, ''Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses.''
Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.
Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, ''Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means.''
The doctor said, ''Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.'' Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.
So the wife picked up the card and read, ''Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.''
Catholic school girls:
A busload full of Catholic school girls are on their way to a track meet when the bus goes off a bridge on an icy highway...killing all of the occupants.
The girls are all lined up in front of heavens' gates to meet St. Peter. St. Peter. asks the first girl: "Have you ever touched a male organ?". The first girl replies: "Well, once with the tip of my finger"
St. Peter replies: "Dip your finger into the Holy water and pass on through the gates".
St. Peter then proceeds to ask the second girl in line the same question, "Have you ever touched a male organ?" The second girl replies: "I once held one in my hand".
St. Peter replies: "Place your hand into the Holy water and pass on through the gates"
All of the sudden, there is commotion in the line and St. Peter sees a girl pushing and shoving her way to the front. When the girl arrives, standing in front of St. Peter...he asks her, "Why Mary, what seems to be the problem?".
Mary hesitates, and then sheepishly looks up at St. Peter before replying:
"If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy water, I wanna do it before Gina sticks her butt in it" !!
*********************************************
4 football fans; A giants fan , a packers fan, a chargers fan, and a patriots fan. All climb a mountain and start arguing about who loves their team more.
The giants fan insists he is the most loyal. He jumps off the mountain and yells "this is for the giants!!"
Not to be outdone the green bay fan jumps off and yells "this is for the packers!!!"
Next the the San Diego fan is next to profess his love and yells "this is for everyone!!!!!" and pushes the patriots fan off the mountain.
********************************************
An Order of Spaghetti A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
''But how will I let you know the baby is born?'' she asked. He replied, ''Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses.''
Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.
Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, ''Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means.''
The doctor said, ''Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.'' Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.
So the wife picked up the card and read, ''Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.''
What does god say everytime a black person is born?
Fuck, I burnt another one.
There is an apartment with three families living in it. The black family lives at the top, the white family lives in the middle, and the Mexican family lives at the bottom. One day the apartment was hit by a tornado, which family survived?
The white family because they were all at work.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
She couldn’t say anything...she was choking.
What do you call a game with homosexuals and homophobics?
A dodge-ball game.
A virgin woman is on a business trip flying to her destination. All of a sudden the plane starts shaking and the pilot announces that they are going to crash.
The woman is scared out of her wits and doesn’t want to die a virgin. She then proceeds to get out of her seat, strips down naked, and announces:
"I need a man to make me feel like a real woman!"
The woman walks up and down the aisles asking every man if they will make her feel like a real woman.
Finally a man gets up and takes off his shirt.
He throws his shirt at the woman and says, "here bitch, iron this!"
Fuck, I burnt another one.
There is an apartment with three families living in it. The black family lives at the top, the white family lives in the middle, and the Mexican family lives at the bottom. One day the apartment was hit by a tornado, which family survived?
The white family because they were all at work.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
She couldn’t say anything...she was choking.
What do you call a game with homosexuals and homophobics?
A dodge-ball game.
A virgin woman is on a business trip flying to her destination. All of a sudden the plane starts shaking and the pilot announces that they are going to crash.
The woman is scared out of her wits and doesn’t want to die a virgin. She then proceeds to get out of her seat, strips down naked, and announces:
"I need a man to make me feel like a real woman!"
The woman walks up and down the aisles asking every man if they will make her feel like a real woman.
Finally a man gets up and takes off his shirt.
He throws his shirt at the woman and says, "here bitch, iron this!"
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