Infildelity....

[behind-my-eyez]

Here's the thing in my relationship I'm having this huge problem. My guy who's the realest person in the world, the person I would die for, love unconditionally, has cheated. We've been together for three years and i don't know what to do. He outwardly told me and I don't know...I feel numb I'm not even mad. And i don't what to do. I need some female advice...

 

[keco52]

What do you want to happen?
I don't know if it's a good idea but I would want to know why...I'd probably want to know every detail. I've never actually been cheated on but my b.f. did have sex with another girl while we were seperated. That's kinda different but it just depends what you want to happen.

I don't know if I could ever forget and fully trust him again. It would take a lot on his part to earn my trust back. But I've kind of softened a little because I realize love takes work.

I guess it also kinda depends on why he did it...Was it someone he knew? one time? etc...I d.k I'd have to know all of that to base my decision...That might be weird but some circumstances might be more forgiveable than others.

 

[behind-my-eyez]

I don't want to be mad at him, it's been three years and I honestly care deeply about him. I just tried so hard to make this work, I want everything to be okay. I want to forgive him, I want more than anything else in the world for it to be the way it was before. I haven't talked to him since he told me and I'm trying to reach out. I wanna know everything, I wanna ask everything. All I feel like doing is putting the blame on me. We've had our ups and downs. He told me that he felt like we hit rock bottom and he wanted comfort and found it. I just thought that I was giving him enough comfort, he's a great person. I'm not going to bash him and say he isn't. We have had alot of agruments but it just never occured to me that he was feeling so down. I just don't know what to do. I've got that feeling like i'm in a small room and it just keeps shrinking and i can't breathe. The main thing i wanna do is talk to him... but after that i am completely lost..

 

[k69atie]

You really can't blame yourself, every couple has ups and downs - that is what makes you stronger and closer, you don't just into bed with someone else! That is just an excuse.

I can understand how much you love and care for him - but please don't blame yourself.

What do you want to happen? Do you want to stay with him? If you feel you can forgive him then you can work through it but if not then you still need to have a good talk.

Kepp your head up girl and keep us updated.

 

[_carmi]

as kelli and katie said, the decision is about what you want to do with him and the relationship. if you feel like you can trust him and forgive him, i guess you can consider staying with him. but yeah don't blame yourself. the only person you can blame his him for not telling you how he felt and instead cheating on you.

 

[behind-my-eyez]

as kelli and katie said, the decision is about what you want to do with him and the relationship. if you feel like you can trust him and forgive him, i guess you can consider staying with him. but yeah don't blame yourself. the only person you can blame his him for not telling you how he felt and instead cheating on you.

I guess I just feel down about the whole thing, I'm mostly overwhelmed /sad that this could happen. Maybe I was abit too optomistic, I don't know. I had huge plans for our relationship, our relationship was/is a huge comitment to me. Thats partly the reason that I wanna forgive. I know above all we need to repair the trust, fix whatever brought us down. If it becomes irreparable then I guess I can't stop the inevitable...urghh..What would you do in my shoes???

 

[_carmi]

if i was in your shoes, the guy would be dumped, and i'd hit the bottle and weed. BUT i am not you and i am not someone from you can earn back trust. i know i am a negative possessive girl.

you can always give a second chance to your relationship. and if it doesn't work out, at least you will have tried and will not regret.

 

[_carmi]

if i was in your shoes, the guy would be dumped, and i'd hit the bottle and weed. BUT i am not you and i am not someone from you can earn back trust. i know i am a negative possessive girl.

you can always give a second chance to your relationship. and if it doesn't work out, at least you will have tried and will not regret.

 

[k69atie]

I would have dumped him - but then i'm not you and i don't know the ins and outs.

I wouldn't be able to trust him again - but if you feel you can and that you can forgive him then by all means try and sort things with him.

 

[Amara]

Quick, somebody call in Greg Behrendt!

I can understand that you love him, you put a lot of effort into the relationship, you had hopes, you were committed etc etc and that can complicate what should be blaringly obvious. He cheated on you. To me that is just shitting all over the relationship and all those feelings you have for him.

Stop thinking about how much you love him and start asking what in his actions have indicated he loves you back? I dont think you could ever include cheating as the actions of a person in love.

You deserve to be with someone who is faithful. You deserve to be with someone who can be trusted, who will never want to cheat no matter how many ups and downs there are, who is committed. That's not being too optimistic as you called it. That's knowing your goddamn worth!

What would Greg say? You're too damn fantastic to waste your time on someone who is clearly just not that into you!

 

[ArtsyGirl]

So he didnt feel the relationship was comforting him and making him feel loved, ok. Thats fair enough to feel that way, but NEVER let that excuse cheating. Before finding someone else to fill that void he should have come to you and let you know so either you could work on it or break up. You know better than any of us here how he treats you and makes you feel, and most importantly whether you think he is able to stay faithful after this.
I was in a similar situation last year and I broke up with him. Like Amara said forget how you feel about him, how does he truely feel about you?