I need some female advice

#1
Okay, I've been seeing this guy for like a year and a half. The first 6 months of our relationship were good, we had minor fights, but nothing too bad but then we broke up in April and we had an on and off relationship until July.

I had gotten back from a trip and so had he and since things had been so bad between us we were in that happy make up phase. Anywho, he was going to his friend's wedding in Stockholm and when he came back he started to act weird. I found notes in his pockets and this girl was sending him text messages saying how much she liked him and blahblah. I was like okay, he had met someone while he was at the wedding so then I asked him about it and he was like: "yeah but you knew this had to happen and I really like her and she's so much more like me" but that he hadn't touched her or anything. I basically told him to go fuck himself and we didn't speak for over a month.

I kept seeing his friends but I never saw him until one day I was at the supermarket and when he saw me he kept trying to get my attention but I ignored him and went home and cried my eyes out. A couple of days later he messaged me and we started talking and he was saying he missed me and he wanted what we had had and that he had thought about what it would be like when we would see each other (I live in a small town, it's inevitable). I told him how I felt and said that it was hard for me to trust him again and then we decided to meet the next day and talk about it.

Well, we did talk and that's not all lol. And after this, things have been so good between us. He really works hard at showing me how much he cares about me but I'm still jealous and I keep thinking he will find someone who's better than me.

I am younger than him and I think he feels like I'm not "experienced enough" to want to stay with him so he's not sure if he can't count on me being there for a longer time. Like two weeks ago I asked him if he was happy with what we had and he said he was but that it bothered him that he is older than me and that right now he didn't see our relationship as something that would last long. I asked him why we even bother with it if he doesn't think it will last and I clearly told him that I am not intrested in being his little hobby until he finds someone that he can see himself with in the future. He said it isn't like that. He said he's not intrested in finding someone else, that he really cares for me and does not see me as a substitute and that the age difference might not bother him in the future as much.

The problem is that even though I trust what he said, I'm paranoid as fuck. Everytime he gets a text message or his phone rings I get jealous and I know he has a lot of female friends who I shouldn't be jealous of because I know them but still... He knows how I feel about this and he has repeatedly tried to calm me down and deep down I know it's nothing and that I'm the only one he has feelings for. I don't want him to think I don't trust him but I really can't help it. :(
 
#2
Im sorry girl, i dont know what to say to this, i have this problem with my boyfriend now, he cheated when we first got together, and now a year and a half later we are trying to work things out still because im jealous and need a lot of attention.

But lately ive been staying off his ass and he opens up to me more. The only thing i could tell you is that to give it time, and see what happens. Its better to give it a chance than to keep acting this way and lose him in the future because of this. I see that now. I dont know if any of that really helps. And if not im sorry. If i were you, just give him a chance and if he messes up again than leave. Try not to feel like this. Because after a period of time it will blow up, and it will push him away or cause a huge fight that might end you guys. so its better to love and get hurt. Than to be so cautious and lose love that way.

sorry if it was all rambling.
 
#3
Thanks for your advice. I totally agree with you: I would much rather be fucked over and find out than to be suspicious all the time while he's doing nothing to deserve it. Just so goddamn hard to not let my mind wander, though.
 

_carmi

me, myself & us
#4
wonder is a bitch. you might wanna give him time to see him. from what i see he's making it up to you. he does seem to care about you. all you can do is give him a chance. if after a long period you still cant trust him. then there's a problem. trust is the key for success in a relationship
 
#5
Sounds like you're having a tough, it sounds like alot of girls are having tough times with their guys. I know I am, which is kinda like your thing. But anyways, I can understand how hard it must be to know your guy has screwed up and just feeling insecure about the relationship. Trust is a major thing, cuz w/o you'll just live in a lie. And it'll be really hard for your relationship to progress. One thing though that seems weird to me is the age difference, how much is it? I don't think it could be alot, and I always thought that age was just a number. I always saw it that people have a maturity level and things should just be compared to that not age. Afterall I know guys who are 20 but like their still in junior high. This might sound a bit clique but you're still young, you've got tons of time to be paranoid. Right now just focus on trust and just being able to communicate. So you know what goes on in his head, so in case he ever does something you'll be able to notice cuz you know him so well. And just by knowing each other better he'll get over the whole "age" thing. Good luck with it though, hopefully I was able to give some words of wisdom :p
 

Helena

Active Member
#6
behind-my-eyez said:
Sounds like you're having a tough, it sounds like alot of girls are having tough times with their guys. I know I am, which is kinda like your thing. But anyways, I can understand how hard it must be to know your guy has screwed up and just feeling insecure about the relationship. Trust is a major thing, cuz w/o you'll just live in a lie. And it'll be really hard for your relationship to progress. One thing though that seems weird to me is the age difference, how much is it? I don't think it could be alot, and I always thought that age was just a number. I always saw it that people have a maturity level and things should just be compared to that not age. Afterall I know guys who are 20 but like their still in junior high. This might sound a bit clique but you're still young, you've got tons of time to be paranoid. Right now just focus on trust and just being able to communicate. So you know what goes on in his head, so in case he ever does something you'll be able to notice cuz you know him so well. And just by knowing each other better he'll get over the whole "age" thing. Good luck with it though, hopefully I was able to give some words of wisdom :p
good advice, i completely agree,
i hope things work out for u girl :thumb:
 

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