I work with 3 straight men. I have no problem with them. I talk to them all the time, we joke around, and sometimes they give great advice on men (strange, but true). Over the past 6 months, we've known each other long enough to say things you normally wouldn't say to a stranger. For example, mainly, I crack jokes about things they do are because of their heterosexualness.. And I'm not degrading them, it's just funny. Like with one of the guys, he was telling me he doesn't think it's obvious that he's straight. He really isn't flamboyantly straight, nor does he look it. But I cracked this joke: "Oh I knew because you have a girlfriend that you talk about all the time". It's just random comments like that. Of course they laugh and stuff and they crack on me too about certain things. Well there is one thing you have to understand about me. I take everything serious to the fullest extent even with little things. Well on occasion (which is why I got depressed) they started cracking jokes about how I do certain things bc I'm "straight and don't know yet." Well I know I'm not fuckin' heterosexual. They get on me because I like to play sports.. Well, I like to play sports because I want to impress guys with my skills. They get on me because I have a messy house. Well, I like men to think I a slob when they come to my place. They get on me because I have more male friends than female (wtf is that even legitimate?). Well, every male friend I have, I intend to have something more than a relationship with almost everyone of them. I have never in my life been close to a girl. Like, I have my closest sistas, but I would never call a close woman friend my best friend. I don't even talk about deep things with girls like I do with guys because it just makes me uncomfortable. I don't like being close with girls. I just watch/play sports, drink beer, chill out with em and do nothing. They get on me for tons of other things. Well because I am a person with a low self-esteem, all of these things kept getting to me and the fact that they always would say that "half the people don't know it yet" ultimately scared me into depression. That's sad I know and you don't need to tell me. I started to question myself if I was straight or not. I had nothing that pointed to heterosexuality. All of my life I chased guys. No matter what I did, it was ultimately to get a guyl. I'm serious, too! I play basketball because I really enjoy it, but I get more excited and play harder when guys are around because I want to show off. I was always that dude that would get distracted and stop what I'm doing to flirt with a hot guy. Every girl hated me for it because that's all I would do even if there was something important going on. Plus I like to think I'm the ultimate lover. I would do anything for a guy to have a guy to make him happy no matter what. Anyway, so many things went through my head, mainly because of the "half the people dont even know it yet" thing. I was so worried. I think I let it bother me so much because I felt that I am the ultimate woman hater that is was such disrespect to who I am as a man and I couldnt possibly imagine going without men. Then someone brought it to my attention that maybe I was bi. I thought about it for a bit and I realized hell no. Hell fucking no. There is no way I could mess with a woman. I couldnt even like touch a girl in that way. That just disgusts me so much. But yet still I was bothered by the fact that I might be straight. I can't even explain why. But I apparently have a disorder dealing with overanalyzing things. I can't remember the exact term and I havent been formally diagnosed, but a very intelligent guy I know (who I infact have a crush on) is majoring in physcology told me of this and I have many of the symptoms. I did a lot of research and talked to Straight Institutes about this to figure out who I am. I'm not straight (I still cant believe I needed to research and have people to tell me it, fucking stupid). But why I'm depressed now is because it ruined my heart. I question everything about relationships. I see a hot guy and I think to myself "Is he truly hot or is my mind telling me to think that?". "Do I infact like this guy or am I just trying to be friends with him because there is a possibility that I'm straight?". It's almost like I feel like I'm quizzing myself to see if I really like men when I know damn well in fact that all my life I have loved men with a passion and it's not even a thing I think about. I just like them. It's just natural. I don't quiz myself anymore, but it's just mentally drained me. I know for a fact that I'm not straight. It was a little phase I went through where I was trying to find myself for like a month. But I'm so mentally drained that I don't even want a relationship right now or feel that I'll ever be looking for that again anytime soon. I don't want to recieve love or even give it. I hope that makes sense because maybe someone can help me figure out why I don't want love when that's been my priority my entire life. It's like I lost my mojo. I don't care about sex, love, flirting...anything. Although there is this one guy who I am falling in love with so much and I cant be with him at the moment which may explain why I dont want these things from anyone else. But whatever.
I Had To Make My Own Heterosexual Thread (Serious)
- Thread starter Jokerman
- Start date
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