How Experiences Shape/Scar You

[Euphanasia]

I am a firm believer that a person is a product of his/her experiences. Yes, genetics are a factor and there's no doubt that people are born with certain attributes of character, but one's experiences in his/her life has profound effects on the person that he/she becomes. For instance, someone who is brought up around good natured people who are always willing to lend a helping hand and support them is probably going to develop a fairly positive view of people in general as opposed to a more cynical one from an individual brought up around people who do nothing but belittle them and put them down.

I guess what I'm wondering here is, how do traumatic experiences scar you and are the effects truly irrevocable or can they be dissipated?

 

[S O F I]

I got abused as a child, kids said I was weird and retarded, I was arrested for attempted murder and now i'm in a bhangra band.

 

[ArtsyGirl]

Ofcourse. School is a major battle ground for this. My brother turned out completely different to me due to outside factors.

 

[ill-matic]

I got abused as a child, kids said I was weird and retarded, I was arrested for attempted murder and now i'm in a bhangra band.

lol oh gosh

 

[Bender]

People live with and adapt to conditions. Time is a healer on any scar or wound, mentally as well as physically. We live with and interact with those around us. Where we have come from has a lot to answer for who we are.

 

[ill-matic]

scar is a good metaphor.

you have a wound. it fucks you up, it might weaken you. but eventually, you get over it, you are healed. but you will have that scar, and youll always look back on it and remember what happened. it serves as a reminder of the past. you learn from it

 

[keco52]

I think experiences have some effect but it's really your personality and how you handle the situations.

Depends how long you want to hold onto the bad experiences...and if you want to use them as a crutch.

 

[Lil KaMiKaZe]

and it depends on the person,i mean a bad experience could make a man back down and get weaker whereas the other will keep his head up and get stronger experiences after experiences

 

[Preach]

Hypothetic: Someone hit me as a child. Being a child, I don't know how to deal with it, but it is unpleasant, so it is natural for me to react in an unpleasant way. I associate unpleasantness with my experience and next time someone tries to hit me, not only do I remember the bad memories, but I still don't quite know how to deal with it, and the after-effects of last time made me swear 'never again'.

If someone hits you and it hurts, you will start trying to avoid it. In any given situation, whatever the premises and the situation is, you will take the necessary precautions. That can mean any of a million different actions being taken, all depending on what situations you end up in later in life.

The effects are truly irrevocable. Everything your brain experiences is just one more thought that you might accidentally pull if you draw a wild card from your head. It's one more memory that you might think of when you overhear someone saying something that is related. Statistically, there are odds that some time in your life you'll end up either being in a discussion or talking to someone where an impression you made earlier in life that was seemingly pointless actually turned out to benefit you. I remember Dante once told me melons are actually berries. I mean it's about five years ago, but for some reason I still remember it. If I had a political discussion about melons, it would probably affect my views, don't you think? Lol.

Let's say your uncle touched you as a child. As an adult, you will be sexually confused. Maybe you feel shameful. When someone playfully accuses you of being a homosexual, you silently feel awkward. When there's a revolution and you become a dictator you suddenly kill all homosexuals for nothing. Mental scars come and go with mental conditions normally. Depression or anxiety. Like with those two conditions, mental scars are not something you can cure. You can only learn how to deal with them so they don't become problems for others.

 

[Devious]

well i think everything we go thru has an ultimate effect on who we become. just look at patterns of abuse you see all the time. why does a man beat his wife and kids? because his dad beat him and his mom and so that's how he learned to relate to those situations. of course just because you went thru bad shit as a kid doesn't mean you can never overcome these things and become a good person. but if you look at the backgrounds of most serial killers/abusers, there is almost always a story of abuse or neglect in their childhood, so obviously these things can affect who you are and what you make of yourself.

 

[Preach]

"overcome" is a broad term. you can change yourself so as to not become your own nemesis. but an emotional scar does not only manifest in actions. you can be a good guy but all the while suppress an inner need to use violence yourself. you can maybe overcome the inner need too, but you can never overcome the root of it all which is the memory itself, and that will always take part in molding your personality.

 

[Devious]

well what i meant by overcome is that you don't have to become a product of your environment. just because you grew up in a family of abuse doesn't mean you have to follow the example set for you. you may always be suppressing that inner need for violence, but supession of violence is a lot better than exercising that need. but i guess the mere fact you have to suppress that violence shows that the scar had an effect on your life, so you're right on that point.