yeah that's the point Dukie. It's the first time I'm facing thoughts like these.
Warning: A long rant ahead:
I don't post much about my life here but I feel shitty and I have to unleash my thoughts.
I live in Warsaw, Poland and I study in probably the most demanding technical institute in this part of europe. You can think of it as of Polish MIT. It's a miracle since even in my high school I hated maths and was confused about my future. I picked this uni because suddenly I changed a lot from a "don't care about shit" type of person into a person who starts to care a lot about his future and family. I didn't have any serious interests or qualifications that would make me pick anything specific and that's why I ended here - because it was the best way to get some high end education in a well paid and respected sphere. So I dedicated a lot of my time and energy to handle those studies. I passed the first semester but it was really a stressful semester for me. It's still stressful and I barely have any time for myself because I have to deal with current material and things I have to catch up with. It doesn't get along well with my lazy nature and it doesn't seem rewarding as 70% of students in my group have better grades and are better overall at it than me. They simply dedicated their whole lifes to it and they do it with passion. 2 years ago I would call them no-life nerds.
Sometimes I'm close to failing some classes even though I put a lot of effort into studying them and everyone says that I'm talented, but I start everything from 0. I hate a lot of classes here, I hate maths, I hate programming and I hate algorithms and algorithmic thinking with passion. There are a few classes I quite like though and by saying that I mean that I don't hate them. They are okay. They are nowhere as nice as some relaxing lectures on Japanese culture, language classes and other humanistic stuff.
So after I finish these studies I'd either be a database engineer/administrator, a 3d multimedia programmer, robotics engineer or something along these lines because that's what I'll probably pick as my specialisation as that's where I won't need things that I hate doing. I can spend 5 years here and have a master degree which still will only count as a bachelor's degree in the UK or US. Anyway maybe I'll be qualified for a satisfactory job anywhere. The point is that I don't love it, on the other hand there's probably no direction as good which I would enjoy doing more. After graduating I will be at least 25.
The point is that I'd rather be in high school again, get good grades and spend the money I saved for those studies differently. Do something I have dreamt of. For example by moving abroad to a place of my liking, be it Hawaii, Canada, Australia, New Zealand. Have an adventure of my life. Go to an average community college and have time to enjoy myself, then go to some average uni and pick an average, pleasurable major like Biology or Geology or Oceanography. Study, have an average job, time for myself and friends and a different life than I do here right now. It hurts me that I'll never have a chance to try that kind of life, ever.
End of my long rant
