Mornin 2 Nite

[Dizal]

Hmm people said middle verse and end one! So here it is just wrote it at certain times of the day was raining so why I got into that a bit in the 2nd bit :O Btw I will reply 2 some later lol I promise! Just bit late now! Sleep!!

Had no sleep and im still awake to this morning/
Im not tired, no I havent even started yawning/
Its still dark outside but the street lamps begin to fade/
The sun will rise and shine through my curtains like a blade/
Cuttin through the smallest gaps to reflect on my T.V/
By then I will probally be eating breakfast and taking it easy/
Cornflakes in my bowl covered in milk and sugar I cant wait/
Thinkin about it now makes my stomach rumble and ache/

Just had my dinner and the clock just struck half past one/
The wind changes in variety so does the clouds blockin the sun/
One minute theres shadows the next minute there is brightness/
The weather seems confused or god has some kind of madness/
As now it begins to pour rain as the sky darkens a little bit/
As the weather changes which cause the clouds to closely knit/
Combined to strengthen its power on what it throws at us/
Its like the weathers way that it is swearing at all of us/

I notice less light peering through my half open curtains thats stuck/
And see the slight orange glow from the street lamp warming-up/
As I look closer into the sky I seen a full moon but hear no wolfs howl/
But see moving shadows on the street like someone is on the prowl/
The street lights get brigher as time goes on, its gettin later on this day/
Then I seen a shooting star in the sky so I began to just wish away/
I wished there would be days with no nights and the nights with no days/
Cause sometimes I want some days to last and also some nights/

 

[Florida123]

an entertaining read, but it could use more direction, cuz it skips from u eating cereal to it then being dinner time. it still cool and i like it...but try to improve the way u blend the sequence of events together

 

[~live2tell~]

Good job, I liked it, seemed really off the cuff and different somehow. My fave parts >>>

One minute theres shadows the next minute there is brightness/
The weather seems confused or god has some kind of madness/

^^ Really liked these lines alot, they seemed to stand out to me

I think the 3rd verse could use some tidying up, you kinda lost flow towards the end there, still it is real nice to read.

 

[Levendi]

this is different, i liked it. Simple kind of writing yet at the same time the way u described things was pretty good and gave good imagery in my mind.

One question though : "Just had my dinner and the clock just struck half past one", you gotta be kidding me, dinner at 1:30? whats up with that...

ok, back to the poem, i have to say it was refreshingly strange, now for some reason im really hungry after reading it, keep up the good work.


.

 

[Jocka]

as they all said, its different.. it was written very well however it didn't seem to go anywhere, and where it did go, it skipped thru.. that takes away from the feel of the poem.. but the way you wrote was very good, liked that..

 

[XIAN]

This is a collection of thoughts. To me, it seemed like you were awake in bed in the middle of the night in the dark and u put together what u were thinking and seeing. I like it because it uses good imagery, and I think thats what makes it good.

Peace.

"As I look closer into the sky I seen a full moon but hear no wolfs howl/
But see moving shadows on the street like someone is on the prowl/
The street lights get brigher as time goes on, its gettin later on this day/
Then I seen a shooting star in the sky so I began to just wish away"

 

[shattered dreams]

this poem is just kind of there.. with good rhymes, but no real subject.
favorite lines

Its still dark outside but the street lamps begin to fade/
The sun will rise and shine through my curtains like a blade/

you described that very well. good job.