Mental health/Addiction

[keco52]

Also...some days I’m just angry. Just filled with nothing but anger. Like today.

Yesterday I was okay. Today, not okay.

If there was a local fight club, I think I would sign up.

My other brother says “I’m at peace...” I don’t know if he’s lying or more evolved than I am but peace is so far out of reach for me right now. At best I’m just okay and I think that’s just numbness.

 

[Tha_Wood]

Do you have a link to the non profit you started @keco52 ?

I know where your coming from with the anger part. For me that was one of the hardest emotions to reconcile in my own head after Daz passed away. I was angry at so many people myself included. But it was like an anger you couldn't do anything with.

 

[yak pac fatal]

Also...some days I’m just angry. Just filled with nothing but anger. Like today.

Yesterday I was okay. Today, not okay.

If there was a local fight club, I think I would sign up.

My other brother says “I’m at peace...” I don’t know if he’s lying or more evolved than I am but peace is so far out of reach for me right now. At best I’m just okay and I think that’s just numbness.

i think what you bro means he's accepted what has happened and is perhaps ready to move forward

totally different situation but when i think about my grandmothers death i go through different emotions too. sadness, sometimes when i miss her. anger because she did my dad dirty with her will. my father took care of her, did all the hospital/doctor runs and for some reason odd reason she left home 60-40 to my dad, so my dads scumbag sister went all out to get the money(the day we buried my grandma she was bitching about the money). well, anyway i'm at peace buti don't think i'll ever be truly at peace because i can't have some sort of final confrontation on why she did that.

really hope there is a hell or heaven so i can do that

 

[Rukas]

If there was a local fight club, I think I would sign up.

Learn to ride a motorbike. Seriously. At first you take your anger out on the corner and really push yourself, and then everything just kind of melts away.

Couple close calls will have you valuing the hell out of life too.

 

[dilla]

Do you have a link to the non profit you started @keco52 ?

I know where your coming from with the anger part. For me that was one of the hardest emotions to reconcile in my own head after Daz passed away. I was angry at so many people myself included. But it was like an anger you couldn't do anything with.

Sorry, Daz?

 

[THEV1LL4N]

My brother lost his ongoing battle with mental illness/drug abuse/addiction. He was 26.

He was a tortured soul for a very long time and I wanted nothing more than to save him from himself.

Recently I had distanced myself from him in an attempt to minimize my own pain from his self destruction but in the end that hasn’t eased my sorrow at all...it has complicated and magnified it. My heart is broken.

I vow to do more to bring awareness and to better support those struggling with mental illness/drug abuse/addiction.

Please know there is power and peace in receiving help.

Sorry to hear that Keco - I know it's cliche but please find comfort in knowing that he's been relieved from a life full of hell and torture through addiction. He's at rest now.

Doing that kind of work is important and it'll be something you'll be passionate about. You can use these personal experiences to genuinely help others.

 

[Tha_Wood]

Sorry, Daz?

Oh that probably doesn't make sense. He was my friend that died earlier this year. I'll make a post about it eventually because there's some stuff I have to get off my chest but I'm not ready just yet.

 

[vg4030]

Sorry for your loss @keco52

Ive been lurking on the board for a while and never had anything to say (I also spent WAY too much time on it in the past and didnt want to get sucked in )

Anyway, I understand what you are going through. I had a very close family member take her life in 2010 and to be honest it doesnt hurt any less now. Even though I dont think about her daily, I still have dreams about her completely out of the blue which made me think there was something subconscious going on.

What I found and the only advice I would give is to make sure you have support after the storm has settled. Thats what I noticed after she passed. There was a month or 2 of frantic activity and support but then when the dust settled and people got on with their lives, I felt a bit lost. I had family support but coworkers etc get back to their day to day.

Im actually a director and investor in a mental health start up in London for this exact reason, we provide support for people in their workplace because I found out that my family member had issues for a while and was seeking treatment from her doctor (pills etc) but none of that helped because she didnt have the support in her everyday life like work where she spent the majority of her time.

Any advice/help you need please reach out

 

[k69atie]

Sorry for your loss @keco52

Ive been lurking on the board for a while and never had anything to say (I also spent WAY too much time on it in the past and didnt want to get sucked in )

Anyway, I understand what you are going through. I had a very close family member take her life in 2010 and to be honest it doesnt hurt any less now. Even though I dont think about her daily, I still have dreams about her completely out of the blue which made me think there was something subconscious going on.

What I found and the only advice I would give is to make sure you have support after the storm has settled. Thats what I noticed after she passed. There was a month or 2 of frantic activity and support but then when the dust settled and people got on with their lives, I felt a bit lost. I had family support but coworkers etc get back to their day to day.

Im actually a director and investor in a mental health start up in London for this exact reason, we provide support for people in their workplace because I found out that my family member had issues for a while and was seeking treatment from her doctor (pills etc) but none of that helped because she didnt have the support in her everyday life like work where she spent the majority of her time.

Any advice/help you need please reach out

That is awesome

 

[keco52]

Do you have a link to the non profit you started @keco52 ?

I know where your coming from with the anger part. For me that was one of the hardest emotions to reconcile in my own head after Daz passed away. I was angry at so many people myself included. But it was like an anger you couldn't do anything with.

Working on a webpage today and organizing our first event.

I’ll share more when it’s more put together, if you guys would like to see.

 

[Ristol]

Also...some days I’m just angry. Just filled with nothing but anger. Like today.

Yesterday I was okay. Today, not okay.

If there was a local fight club, I think I would sign up.

My other brother says “I’m at peace...” I don’t know if he’s lying or more evolved than I am but peace is so far out of reach for me right now. At best I’m just okay and I think that’s just numbness.

That hits me hard because (not making this about me) but when I lost my dad it just came in waves. It still does. It's been almost two years and I still occasionally go to text him. And the anger. Oh man, the anger. You're not alone in this. Keep ya head up

 

[keco52]

@vg4030

I’m sorry to hear about your loss but what you’re doing is amazing. ❤️

I’m struggling to work alongside my brother at the moment with this endeavor we’ve started in memory of my brother. That’s why I haven’t mentioned much about it yet.

We have different ideas about how the funds should be used to help people.

It’s hard for me to know when I’m being unreasonable these days so I’m trying to just keep my mouth shut.

But I do appreciate everyone who has commented and offered supported...so much.

 

[keco52]

That hits me hard because (not making this about me) but when I lost my dad it just came in waves. It still does. It's been almost two years and I still occasionally go to text him. And the anger. Oh man, the anger. You're not alone in this. Keep ya head up

No, please tell me what I’m in store for.

I am filled with rage. And then I feel guilty for being angry so I cry.

This rage has to go somewhere though or I’m not going to have any friends.

 

[Ristol]

No, please tell me what I’m in store for.

I am filled with rage. And then I feel guilty for being angry so I cry.

This rage has to go somewhere though or I’m not going to have any friends.

Well, I made the mistake of taking out that rage on some people close to me at the time. And I still do not speak to them. You're right in thinking you'll drive people away. But fuck those people. Family deaths always cause rifts. I personally went fucking nuts but I don't really regret it. If they don't understand that you're not yourself right now, and may never be the same person again, then you don't need them in my opinion. You have to hunker down and search within yourself. Other people will help, because you can talk to them, but there's no way to do this but alone. I know it sucks. But, like, other people have lost brothers, but they didn't lose your brother. Only you really know what you're going through. Time does help. It really does.

 

[keco52]

Somebody pretty close to me told me today “As time goes on you seem to be getting worse.”

...It just happened 12 days ago.

I’m so confused how I’m supposed to be acting for people at this point.

 

[k69atie]

Somebody pretty close to me told me today “As time goes on you seem to be getting worse.”

...It just happened 12 days ago.

I’m so confused how I’m supposed to be acting for people at this point.

There is no way you are supposed to act grief is a very personal thing and we all handle it differently.. if people don't understand that fuck them

There is no right or wrong way.

It's ok to be angry, sad confused etc it really is anyone who tries to tell you differently or expects you to be "ok" in a short space of time are fucktards

If you want to vent or rant I'm only a message away xxx

 

[vg4030]

I agree with @Ristol and @k69atie to a point

@keco52: The person who said this, who are they to you? Have they ever experienced loss like this? Im thankful I didnt encounter many people like that but if I did I wouldnt argue. Just smile and walk away, at the end of the day I knew they would never understand. And even if they had lost someone this way, everyones situation is different. Like, how close they were to the person, did they talk everyday, did they live together? etc...

A big lesson I learned was I knew I couldnt blame other people for not understanding, or behaving in a way I think they should because at the end of the day, I myself didnt know how to behave and I was IN the situation. There are times where I havent understood someones situation and misjudged what I have said through no malice, just ignorance. Nowadays, if I dont know what to say, I just stay silent.

It reminds me of when my wife had a miscarriage back in 2012, she was heartbroken and devastated from it but the most common response we got from people was 'oh, its your first miscarriage? you know there is like an XX% chance of it happening? it really common you know?' My wife felt just like you are feeling now and was constantly asking 'why dont people just get it?' 'Dont they know what this means to me?' it took a while to come out of that and it was teetering close to full depression at one point but talking to me and her close friends really helped

There is alot of support for families who have lost relatives to suicide, the feelings of loss, denial, lonliness and most dangerous 'guilt' are hard to deal with and the families are often forgotten about, as people approach it as a 'normal' loss where you are sad for a bit then get on with life.

 

[Ristol]

@vg4030 Very well said. Also great to see you here man

 

[vg4030]

@vg4030 Very well said. Also great to see you here man

Thanks man, good to be back

Lots of nostalgia coming back after just posting once on here after so long, I forgot how much I loved this board

 

[Ristol]

Thanks man, good to be back

Lots of nostalgia coming back after just posting once on here after so long, I forgot how much I loved this board

Same. Also forgot how much I loved that Bill Hicks avatar. Just a ride, baby.