Jokes

[tupac4li4e]

Well played, Barney Stinson.

LEDGEN....wait for it.......DARY !

I'll tell you all about how I met Mastabator24-7's mother some other time, I made him a bastard child on purpose. So he would be angry at the world, become a member of this forum, and meet me, his true father one day.

Stay tuned folks!

 

[Duke]

The lawyer joke was poor, the family of Gary Buseys had me on the floor.

 

[THEV1LL4N]

sorry in advance for the amount of abbreviations in this text message:

Peter invites his Mum 4 tea.She notices his flat m8 Joe is vry handsome & slytly camp & altho she suspected Peters gay he denies dat anythin is goin on & says dat dey r only flat mates.A wk lata Joe says 2 Peter "Ever since ur mam cme 2 tea, I cant find da fryin pan." Peter emails his Mum & says.
"Dear Mum, Im nt sayin dat u DID tke da fryin pan & Im nt sayin u DID NOT tke da fryin pan, but its been misin evr since u cme 4 tea. Love Peter". His Mum replies. "Dear son, Im not sayn u DO sleep wiv Joe & Im not sayn u DO NOT sleep wiv Joe, but if he was slpin in his own bed he wud hav fwnd da fukn fryin pan by now. Love Mum"

 

[THEV1LL4N]

2 more i received:

A son asks his dad the difference between "Theoretically" and "Realistically". Dad says: Thats a hard one, but i have an idea! Go ask your mum if she would sleep with the milkman for 1millin kwid. Mum said yes! Dad says: Ask your sister if would sleep with the postman for 2million kwid. Sister said yes! Well there you go then son, thats your answer.. Theoretically were sitting on 3million kwid, bt Realistically were living with
2slags!!

Father and son in supermarket. "Dad. what are these?" "That's a 3 pack of condoms son for secondary school lads. 1 for friday night, 1 for saturday night and 1 for sunday night" "What about the 6 pack dad?" "Those are for university lads. 2 for friday night, 2 for saturday night and 2 for sunday night." "Well dad. What about the 12 pack then?" "Married men son. 1 for january, 1 for february, 1 for march .......

 

[masta247]

I'll tell you all about how I met Mastabator24-7's mother some other time, I made him a bastard child on purpose. So he would be angry at the world, become a member of this forum, and meet me, his true father one day.

aghahahaha. no, you suck.

 

[tupac4li4e]

aghahahaha. no, you suck.

Son, we are bonding, whether you like it or not.

Just spending time with you makes me feel a bit less guilty about leaving you all those years ago, my little bastard child. Lots of love.

 

[SiGh]

Q: I got one, whats the long form for Masta247 ?

A: Mastabator 24-7 .

What up !?

That's the type of shit Bacho & Dilla would say.

 

[tupac4li4e]

That's the type of shit Bacho & Dilla would say.

That who would say ? Sorry if I don't keep up with the "times".

I wasn't seriously giving ol Masta shit, just jokingly, as it's a joke thread

 

[Duke]

That's the type of shit Bacho & Dilla would say.

It is, yes. Perceptive. What does this mean, however? Tar and feathers?

 

[Flipmo]

Speaking of Bacho, we need him back. lol

 

[Duke]

No we don't. It looks appealing now, but his annoyance far outweighed his humoristic contributions.

 

[vg4030]

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire herself out as a 'handywoman' and started canvassing the neighborhoods.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

'Well, I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said. 'How much will you charge me?'

The blonde quickly responded, 'How about €100?'

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?'

He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'

The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes.'

A short time later, the blonde handywoman came to the door to collect her money.

'You finished already ?' the husband asked.

'Yes,' the blonde replied, 'and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats - no extra charge .'

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the €100 and handed it to her.

'And by the way,' the blonde added ...

'it's not a Porch -- it's a Lexus.'

 

[Duke]

"The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?'

He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'

The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes.'"


Why was this in the joke? It contributed nothing.

 

[THEV1LL4N]

why should terrorists and suicide bombers pursue music careers?

because they are guaranteed to blow up!

 

[vg4030]

"The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?'

He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'

The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes.'"


Why was this in the joke? It contributed nothing.

Why did you write this?
This is a joke thread.

Your comment contributed nothing

 

[THEV1LL4N]

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire herself out as a 'handywoman' and started canvassing the neighborhoods.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

'Well, I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said. 'How much will you charge me?'

The blonde quickly responded, 'How about €100?'

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?'

He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'

The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes.'

A short time later, the blonde handywoman came to the door to collect her money.

'You finished already ?' the husband asked.

'Yes,' the blonde replied, 'and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats - no extra charge .'

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the €100 and handed it to her.

'And by the way,' the blonde added ...

'it's not a Porch -- it's a Lexus.'

i like this one. i had a very similar one to this the other week.

cant find it now. not sure if it was before or after i accidentally wiped my phone memory.

 

[THEV1LL4N]

3 more.

3 guys & a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.
1st guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."
2nd guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."
3rd guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Banker."
They turn to the woman & ask her, " What r u? " She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know...
Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.

Peter invites his Mum 4 tea.She notices his flat m8 Joe is vry handsome & slytly camp & altho she suspected Peters gay he denies dat anythin is goin on & says dat dey r only flat mates.A wk lata Joe says 2 Peter "Ever since ur mam cme 2 tea, I cant find da fryin pan." Peter emails his Mum & says.
"Dear Mum, Im nt sayin dat u DID tke da fryin pan & Im nt sayin u DID NOT tke da fryin pan, but its been misin evr since u cme 4 tea. Love Peter". His Mum replies. "Dear son, Im not sayn u DO sleep wiv Joe & Im not sayn u DO NOT sleep wiv Joe, but if he was slpin in his own bed he wud hav fwnd da fukn fryin pan by now. Love Mum"

Billy was watching TV. Next day Billy comes downstairs & asks, Dad what's love juice? His father looks horrified & tells Billy all about sex & why a womans vagina gets wet. Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement. Dad asks, So what were you watching? Billy replies, Wimbledon!"

 

[Duke]

Why did you write this?
This is a joke thread.

Your comment contributed nothing

Because your joke could've been better.

Your reply contributed just as much nothing as my original criticism.

 

[vg4030]

Because your joke could've been better.

Your reply contributed just as much nothing as my original criticism.

and so did this comment,













........Im eagerly awaiting your reply :nuts:

 

[Duke]