god take me now

[shattered dreams]

okay im sorry if any of my lines offend anybody in this poem. but let me give you the run down, me and my bf have been trying to get pregnant. and it still wont happen. im starting to be scared i cant have kids. When i say purity or lucas, thats the names we want to name our kids. and lance is the love of my life. so here it is.

before i felt like i knew
in life what i was meant to do
eventually raise a young
now a halt, is what life has brung
a halt, to what i thought i was to do
now im confused, wondering if its true
am i really supposed to see lucas walk
am i really supposed to hear purity talk
gods throwing curve balls at me
dont know how to take them, losing sanity
crying, screaming, begging and pleading
to let what i think, really not be
let me be able to bear, family
i want to give them a life, that NO ONE has ever had
i know that i could, between me and their dad
their life would never be bad
whats wrong with my body that i cant bear a kid
why am i never able to take depression and cast it abid
i thought it was over, never to return
but i guess god, has to continue to let me burn
ive always wondered how i would die
i realize now, i know how and why
gods trying to burn me alive
each flame, from this emotional ride
please god end me now, let me say goodbye
im sick of the screams of silence, and the tears i cry
if im not able to have a child of my own
i mine as well die now, the rest of my life is going to be alone
knowing i will have lance always to be able to see when i go home
but fear of him leaving me if things go wrong
is just to strong, hoping he will be with me all along
thought that i was sure of everything in life
knew that my and lance would always remain husband and wife
always remained strong on us having two perfect children
now im wondering if i never knew were reality has been
ive always doubted god, and thought i was wrong for it
but now i realize i was right all along, fuck the thought of jesus and whoever bore it.

 

[~live2tell~]

Nice and emotionally honest... thought you lost direction towards the end, interesting topic

 

[Buck_Buck_Bing]

yawns, how boring and dull, please dont write like this again.

 

[fisherM.A.N.]

u did a good job conveying ur emotions.. its obvious that u are extremely distraught over ur inability to conceive.. "dont know how to take them, losing sanity / crying, screaming, begging and pleading".. and ur distress leads u to question the reasons as to why this is happening to u.. "whats wrong with my body that i cant bear a kid / why am i never able to take depression and cast it abid".. it is evident that u blame God for not being able to have a child.. "but i guess god, has to continue to let me burn / ive always wondered how i would die / i realize now, i know how and why / gods trying to burn me alive"..

as sarah had said before, ur poem is very honest.. u hold nothing back..

ive learned that God's plans for us are not necessarily the same plans we have for us.. He does what He does for a reason, though we may not always (in fact, very infrequently) comprehend His ways.. but dont lose faith.. open ur eyes and ears because maybe His supposed lack of action is actually His way of telling u something.. and also remember that God cant work for us unless we work for Him..

i hope that ur situation gets better..

~1~