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03-03-2009, 09:10 PM
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Crown Me.
It's been a while since I been here and posted anything. So heres a short poem I wrote earlier today. see how ya'll like it.
================================================== ========
This is where anybody can find me.
Standing infront with the whole world behind me.
I treated you fair, polite, and kindly.
But respect has a limit and yours was timely.
My hate has grown thick for others around me.
I give you love then your ungratefulness surrounds me.
We fix your problem but to see mine is the boundary.
I save you from death and you leave me drowning.
The rage consumes me and my heart begins pounding.
You just stand grinning. Mocking so soundly.
I need your help and I begged so profoundly.
You saw chance to kick me. You beat me and downed me.
No longer will I let them mock me and clown me.
The key is to not let them know when your frowning.
So look ahead world, let them know where u found me.
This isn't chess; its checkers. Go ahead. Crown me.
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The first born son - 4 / 11 / 06
The first born daughter - 9 / 14 / 07
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03-11-2009, 09:28 PM
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Damn, that was awesome.
When I was reading it thru the first time, I just had wished you used another word besides drowned me, cuz you made one drowning reference once.
But damn, I liked it.
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LEARN
Than - comparative. "The house is larger than the ball."
Then - denotes time. "I went to the mall, then I went home."
Their - possessive. "Their house is large."
They're - contraction for they are. "They're going home."
There - denotes location. "I threw the ball over there."
Your - possessive. "That is your ball."
You're - contraction for you are. "You're giving me a headache."
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03-11-2009, 09:39 PM
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I concur with SiGh
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03-11-2009, 09:56 PM
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I crown you.
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Here I am, paradox personified.
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03-12-2009, 03:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jocka
It's been a while since I been here and posted anything. So heres a short poem I wrote earlier today. see how ya'll like it.
================================================== ========
This is where anybody can find me.
Standing infront with the whole world behind me.
I treated you fair, polite, and kindly.
But respect has a limit and yours was timely.
My hate has grown thick for others around me.
I give you love then your ungratefulness surrounds me.
We fix your problem but to see mine is the boundary.
I save you from death and you leave me drowning.
The rage consumes me and my heart begins pounding.
You just stand grinning. Mocking so soundly.
I need your help and I begged so profoundly.
You saw chance to kick me. You beat me and downed me.
No longer will I let them mock me and clown me.
The key is to not let them know when your frowning.
So look ahead world, let them know where u found me.
This isn't chess; its checkers. Go ahead. Crown me.
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he said downed me not drowned me.
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03-12-2009, 06:31 AM
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Well that's just embarrassing on my part then. 
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LEARN
Than - comparative. "The house is larger than the ball."
Then - denotes time. "I went to the mall, then I went home."
Their - possessive. "Their house is large."
They're - contraction for they are. "They're going home."
There - denotes location. "I threw the ball over there."
Your - possessive. "That is your ball."
You're - contraction for you are. "You're giving me a headache."
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03-12-2009, 06:38 AM
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Location: Ireland
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^^yea it is. learn to open your eyes in future.
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03-12-2009, 08:38 PM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Nov 2002
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby Sands
^^yea it is. learn to open your eyes in future.
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Banned. 
__________________
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LEARN
Than - comparative. "The house is larger than the ball."
Then - denotes time. "I went to the mall, then I went home."
Their - possessive. "Their house is large."
They're - contraction for they are. "They're going home."
There - denotes location. "I threw the ball over there."
Your - possessive. "That is your ball."
You're - contraction for you are. "You're giving me a headache."
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03-12-2009, 09:09 PM
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Senior Member
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Location: San Diego, CA
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Not bad, not great. Saying 'you beat me and downed me' does sound a bit awkward. That's the only thing that really seperates it from good to great imo.
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Newbie/Member to Break Out of the Shell
Best Thread Maker
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03-22-2009, 12:29 AM
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Location: Florida Atlantic University-Boca Raton, S. Florida
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Even though I agree with Shadows, I really liked this piece. The concept of connecting checkers with real life situation is a creative like a muthaf**ka. I could kinda look at each line and picture the comparison. And besides the concept, the rhyme scheme was pretty good too. Appreciated tha poem...keep em comin'...
Peace
__________________
Somebody wake me I'm dreamin, I started as a seed the semen
Swimmin upstream, planted in the womb while screamin
on the top, was my pops, my momma screamin stop
From a single drop, this is what they got
Not to disrespect my peoples but my poppa was a loser
Only plan he had for momma was to fuck her and abuse her
Even as a little seed, I could see his plan for me
Stranded on welfare, another broken family
Now what was I to be......
...Everywhere I go niggaz holla at me, "Keep it real G"
And my reply til they kill me
Act up if you feel me, I was born not to make it but I did
The tribulations of a ghetto kid, still I rise
Best verse to be heard
R.I.P. to the mercenary Makaveli
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