Privacy

[S O F I]

What are your thoughts on giving your facebook/myspace/IM passwords to your boyfriend/girlfriend in a relationship?

Or better yet, how do you feel and how do you react when they ask for them?

[Killuminatii 71]

Bitch,

it's MYspace.

[Sebastian]

Funny you make this thread today.

A little story i encountered yesterday:

Someone at work tells me about a funny and at the same time ridiculous happening. There is this guy (David) who recently started a relationship and now the girl and this guy are super duper in love, spending 24 hours a day together.

So the person tells me: Did you hear about it? Kim wrote David a comment on his profil, asking him if hes coming to the club on friday. One day later she recognises that the comment is gone and that he deleted her from his friends list.

So, knowing about it, i asked him via messenger whats going on. He tells me aint got no idea what im talking about. Then he checks his friends list and realises that she really gone. I ask him if his girl knows his password and he answers "yes".

Then he babbles on about he thinks someone hacked his account because other friends and messages are deleted as well...

Go figure.

[masta247]

It's childish and wrong. When a girl asks for it this might mean that she's obsessed or willing to control you.

When I was 15 or 16 my girl tried to get my email password and was even mad that I refused to give it to her. It was a sign that she didn't respect my privacy and independence. She probably thought that it was almost her right to have my passwords, like I belonged to her. She would probably love to make decisions regarding me herself for her own comfort.
It's a sign of obsession like regularly checking texts, outgoing calls and/or contents of your computer.

Things like these should not happen in relationships between mature people.
If they do it means that the relationship is not healthy.

[EDouble]

depends on the girl sometimes you need to create multiple accounts registered under aliases so it wont be a issue

[Cooper]

Originally Posted by EDouble

depends on the girl sometimes you need to create multiple accounts registered under aliases so it wont be a issue

If you need to do that there's a lot of issues...

[The.Menace]

No I wouldn't give her to password, but she would never ever ask anyway.

[S O F I]

Originally Posted by masta247

It's childish and wrong. When a girl asks for it this might mean that she's obsessed or willing to control you.

When I was 15 or 16 my girl tried to get my email password and was even mad that I refused to give it to her. It was a sign that she didn't respect my privacy and independence. She probably thought that it was almost her right to have my passwords, like I belonged to her. She would probably love to make decisions regarding me herself for her own comfort.
It's a sign of obsession like regularly checking texts, outgoing calls and/or contents of your computer.

Things like these should not happen in relationships between mature people.
If they do it means that the relationship is not healthy.

The reason I made this thread is because my friend gave his girlfriend his facebook password. The complication in all of this is that he had cheated on her two times while they were together and he confessed to it and they went through a really rough patch but still managed to stay together. It's clear to say that there's some trust issues lingering. I think her reasoning behind demanding his password is that he cheated on her twice and if he wants to prove to her that he won't do it again, he should give her his password. In the end, all I know is that he gave her the password.

On the one hand, I feel the same way that most people in this thread feel (that it's the wrong way of maintaining trust and that it's childish).

On the other hand, most relationships (that manage to function) aren't in ideal scenarios and they manage to function in cases such as this. Basically, maintaining love isn't always about making reasonable and logical choices. One has to compromise and do shit that goes against what makes long-lasting relationships in an ideal world, just because of how emotions make people act.

[masta247]

I don't know if a relationship with a guy cheating twice has a point and then again does his facebook password really matter or is it just about how having it would make her feel better for a moment (until she starts analyzing things again)?
I doubt that there's any positive side to this.
In the long run she will get easily irritated by just anything while reading his messages etc (unless he's a social fail and gets no messages from girls which I doubt based on what you say).
They are probably at a point where she's totally depressed keeping it to herself, easily annoyed or doesn't care.
I always thought that usually in relationships where 1 person cheats there's not much you can do to make it healthy again and feeding your partner's obsession/jealousy is never a good way out, even if it was all your fault in the first place.

Oh and if I was him I wouldn't give her that password. If she could get over it it would be good. It's a stupid little thing and at that point I can picture her breaking up with him because of that.
Is it really worth saving a relationship like that?

[S O F I]

Originally Posted by masta247

I don't know if a relationship with a guy cheating twice has a point

See this is where generalization doesn't work. In his case, he HAS learned from his mistakes and wouldn't do it again. I know because he's my best friend and we hang out a lot and since I'm single we get into situations where he should be my wingman but he doesn't do it. Maybe it's too naive to say that he won't cheat but that is the feeling I'm getting.

and then again does his facebook password really matter or is it just about how having it would make her feel better for a moment (until she starts analyzing things again)
I doubt that there's any positive side to this.
In the long run she will get easily irritated by just anything while reading his messages etc (unless he's a social fail and gets no messages from girls which I doubt based on what you say).

OK, first off, you're not a social fail if you don't get messages from girls while in a relationship. It's perfectly common to not have any contact with other females if before the relationship you never had female friends just female partners. Make sense?

Moving on, I agree that in the long run, she will analyze everything he does.

They are probably at a point where she's totally depressed keeping it to herself, easily annoyed or doesn't care.

Why do you say that? They spent this whole summer together and they seemed happy. From what he tells me, everything went well.

I always thought that usually in relationships where 1 person cheats there's not much you can do to make it healthy again and feeding your partner's obsession/jealousy is never a good way out, even if it was all your fault in the first place.

We can't generalize these things, we can only speak from experience. But experiences vary.

Oh and if I was him I wouldn't give her that password. If she could get over it it would be good. It's a stupid little thing and at that point I can picture her breaking up with him because of that.
Is it really worth saving a relationship like that?

The reason he cheated on her is because he never saw the relationship (since it's long-distance) as having any future potential. Meanwhile, he came to the conclusion that it was a relationship worth saving. That's when the cheating stopped. Again, reasons for cheating are important, too.

I do think his girlfriend is a bit too possessive and aggressive but I can't say that relationships like this don't last, at least in the medium run.