the type of person you like

[ill-matic]

lately i've been thinking what it is about the other person that opens the door for emotional attachment, and that the whole "that's not my type" logic is flawed.

because is it really the personality characteristics of the other person that draw you to them emotionally or is all of that irrelevant, with it just coming down to how you feel about them.

let me explain;

people say "she's not my type of girl" or "that guy isn't my type". what do they refer to ? things like good values, good family, funny, high morals etc etc

in saying this, people are implying that there is A type of person out there for them, but this this aint true. it's all about how the person makes you feel. it comes down to 3 fundamental things; chemistry, comfort and finally, respect.

these are the only 3 things you need to have feelings for someone, and the rest just become add-ons. the others things become less important when you have these 3 things. you're more inclined to look over them, and you reduce their importance in your mind.

as an example, i used to be with a nice, beautiful italian girl ( i posted a pic of me and her somewhere i think). this girl didn't drink, had excellent values/morals, and all that other shit i could attribute to being my "type".

now im with someone who's like the antithesis of that. not saying im attached to her.. but i can feel something within me that's brewing. something which CAN develop.

and i thought, why is this? how can i have feelings for someone who is the total opposite of the person whom i had feelings for before as well? if i really like person with type A, how can i equally like someone with type B, thats completely different from type A?

is this making sense?

[keco52]

It depends what you're looking for in a relationship.

I'll just wait for someone to take the time to explain it and then I'll thank them for doing all the work.

[autisticboi]

It is but as you said its flawed.. You may find type A or B works out better but in my opinion its down to chemistry, instinct, and similar/same values. I was talking to someone about this the other day, I think if someone has similar/same moral fibre as you everything else is variable. Obviously you need attraction to the person aswell but that becomes second to the basic values you share.

[_carmi]

if you hang out and casually date someone who is not your type, you will probably eventually get emotionally attached. it's just how human beings are. emotions are not rational, let's not forget that. you can't make yourself love someone.

it's not flawed. you can get emotionally attached to anybody who you spend some good amount of time with. but i think the type of person theory comes into play when you're thinking long term relationship. because values, personality, etc all decide if this relationship will work. even if people can be attracted to others that are different from them, people really have relationships that workout with others that are similar to them. rare are the long term relationships where the 2 people involved have nothing in common.

i don't think the type of person theory can be applied to hanging out and dating as there is no guarantee of future. you can date someone for the hell of it and become attached to that person because it happened that you spent a great deal of time with her/him.

[Da_Funk]

I just read the first few lines of your post so that's all I'll respond to for now.

When people say she/he is not my type, it's my experience that they're usually referring to physical appearance

[Sophie]

I know it when I see it (ie. meet the girl). I don't have criteria written out.

Some people have this idea of a "type" for them so they just look for that type of person not knowing that it's actually far from their type.

[(SS)Sebastian]

Originally Posted by Da_Funk

When people say she/he is not my type, it's my experience that they're usually referring to physical appearance

First of all: This is my experience as well.

Then:

and i thought, why is this? how can i have feelings for someone who is the total opposite of the person whom i had feelings for before as well?

This doesnt work for me at all!

Besides the physical factor, the other person needs to have certain characteristics. Without them, im not gonna develop feelings for her.

[Sophie]

^Well, it's not like he hated the characteristics in the antithesis of the girl he does like. I think it's safe to say that Illmatic never really met a girl like her and so it's one of those things where you don't know what you like until you try it out..

[14MenDeep]

Physical appearance can count for a lot because it's the first thing you notice about someone and the way they present themselves could give you a specific impression about that particular person. If its good enough for your standards then you may want to get to know that person better and from then on you can both spend time with each other and the relation can develop.

Originally Posted by _carmi

it's not flawed. you can get emotionally attached to anybody who you spend some good amount of time with. but i think the type of person theory comes into play when you're thinking long term relationship. because values, personality, etc all decide if this relationship will work. even if people can be attracted to others that are different from them, people really have relationships that workout with others that are similar to them. rare are the long term relationships where the 2 people involved have nothing in common.

Of course. Because when you know you want a long-term relationship with someone, you want to know your going to have one with the right kind of person - so you feel 'happier' you chose your type of person, based on mental criteria the person must meet. now, these may not be so clear or decisive to begin with, but as you get to know that person through time you may begin to understand them including their values, beliefs and personality.

Just elaborating on what your saying here carmi (but from my perspective). When the two people have different values, personality and interests (wierdest thing just happened - i'm listening to the jurassic 5 song "thin line" and they said "opposities attract" - which i was just about to mention).

anyway, back on topic. they said that "opposites attract", yes, this can be true but to an extent. If the two people are different that can be a good thing, but when they have a conflict of interest or when they behave much differently to each other, they may not agree with each other or may not be actively involved.

for example, someone who may be extroverted may be into partying, going out, getting wasted and having a good time almost every night or weekend whereas the other may enjoy a quiet night in, reading, watching tv or whatever. the couple may like each other a lot, physically and emotionally - but their personalities and values may differ quite significantly and because of that, things may not work out. everything cant be perfect and therefore when you find someone you like, you cant always expect them to fit into the categories of what your "type" requires.

[Euphanasia]

it is quite interesting. for instance, i'm not really into girls with a lot of different piercings and tattoos and yet if i were to meet an attractive girl with piercings and tattoos who i thought was very nice and down to earth i would probably be largely attracted to her.