thankx guys for all the feedback in the first post. it helped me get through the first couple of days.

but some things are still killing me inside. well for the past week, she has come back...sorta. the reason why she came back was b.c i asked her to come home. she was sleeping from house to house like a stray cat, luggin her bag of clothes around like she was homeless. so i told her shes 21 n she has a home..and it looks bad that your doing that shit, like u dont have ur life situated.

now that shes home...ive been feelin great. thinkin maybe we might have a chance to work things out again. thinkin maybe the whole " i wanna be single and independent" phase mighta clicked outta her. so i actually asked her what she wants to do n she responds.." i need to get this outta my system...n i dont know how long that could be...i dont wanna lose you completely outta my life. i know your the one i wanna marry, ive told everyone from friends n family, that i see me and you and a family in the future....and i wanna just wanna be friends...yada yada (didnt hear much after she dropped the F-bomb).

now im really fuckin confused...i dont know wether to wait for her or move on? she sees the pain and heartache im going through for the past 3 weeks...n all she can do is look at me n not even give this one more try. sometimes i think she doesnt even care that she left me to pick up the pieces by myself. wtf am i to do...move on n forget about everything we built together? or sit here twiddlin my thumbs waitin for this girl to "get it out of her system"? ARggg...my mind is going crazy, im tryin to force her outta me. tryin to figure out why im hurtin so bad, when all she can do is hang out with friends, n seem like she doesnt give a fuck that its makin me go insane.

so basically im room mates with my EX. n im holdin my desires back at night to sleep with her or even hug her. i sleep on the couch and i give her the bed. how the fuck can i be a roomate with an EX in a 1 bedroom apt!? how the fuck can i be friends with someone that i decided that i wanted to spend my whole life wit?

i actually asked her if she wanted to date other people.. n she told me that " im not pushing it, if it happens it happens".. wtf am i supposed to assume out of that answeR?! does that mean she wants to leave the playing field open while i get strung along as a PLAN B?

please help guys.. i know im in denial bout some things.. but i need some advice to get it through my head.

(sorry for babblin i just wantd to get everything outta my head.)

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"nothing is impossible, just highly improbable."

im going to make this frank and clear, u are getting used and you are a sucker for it. grow some balls and kick the ho to the curb because thats exactly what she is, this whole i see us together in the future blah blah is bullshit she has no where to go and she knows ur the sucker she can leech off till she finds a new fuck buddy. pull your head out of your ass man! U are getting played and its beyond obviouse, fuck hugs try slugs.

pz

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So she told everyone you are the one she wants to marry in the future but right now, she doesnt even want to have a relationship with you? Plus, she is kinda homeless but sleeps in your apartement while knowing about your feelings and everything? - Come on man, you must be really confused to let her treat you like that. Seriously, she told you what you need to know: She doesnt want to have an relationship with you at this moment but some day she could see you both being together again...BULLSHIT. It doesnt matter what will be in 10 months or 2 years. What matters is the moment. Obviously it would be the best if she moves out off your apartement and you stop seeing her and talking to her!! Get it? Stop being around her and spending time with her. It will take some time until your feelings for her will slowly fade away but what you can depend on is that they will fade away if you stop talking to her. Right now she brings nothing but trouble in your life which is the opposite of what should happen when being around with a person.

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"I'm just a normal man with common thoughts. No one built a memorial in remembrance of me and my name will soon be forgotten, yet did i love someone, with all my heart and soul, and that has always been enough for me..."

if she'd wanna marry you, she wouldnt risk losing you which is what she's doing at the moment. now she says she wanna be friends with you. wtf? next thing you know she gonna bring a boy home. seriously wtf? you,re gonna be roommate with your ex? make her find an apt or friends to live with. there is no such thing as letting her ruin your life. dude she is taking you as plan b, do the same with her. make her know that she doesnt control you. cause right now she is so freaking manipulating you. she is doing the "i dont wanna be with you for the moment, but if i ever feel lonely i know i'll have you because you are waiting for me".

still do what you want. but if it was me, i'd be moving on.

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But I'm a hip-hop baby, from the heart I never flip flop baby.

Co-signed to all of that

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Should There Be Some Reign?

FUCK HER DUKE! (Not sextually) She is taking you for granted and using you for a door mat. She wants to go out, and have you as the person to be so she doent feel lonely. Fuck what you built, tear that shit down. You can only remain strong for so long before your mind, body and soul cant take it anymore. (From EXPERIENCE, I know) My EX was full of shit. She was selfish, mean, rude, and a bitch. I tried ti be nice and just take everything she said like a grain of salt, until she attacked me on personal issues and took it to heart. Life is full suprises in the future, dont get stuck with BULLSHIT! My EX gave me a bitter look out on life and reltionships, but im finally getting over it and enjoying life. I have confidence in meeting new people, and dont hold back my emotions, or feelings anymore. I have nothing to prove.

Don't worry man. If you care about her and if it really feels right in your heart then you know what to do.

I said that because I dont really know the situation, but I hope this helps (even a little).

Edit: I think you should wait for her man. Patience is the key to real happyness.

did u not read anything he posted rahim..if u did u would know the situation.

pz

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No. definately not. The more you wait for her, the more she will take you for granted. The more you move away, the more she will try to cling to you for security. In the end, the scenario is all the same.. she will eventually start to hookup with someone else and youll be in a far worse situation than you would be had you just accepted that the two of you arent going to be together anymore. She may love you still, but she aint IN LOVE with you anymore, and once thats gone...youre gone. So man up, deal with it however you have to, but really start to accept the fact the two of you as youve known it are over.

thank you all for the reality check...all the advice didnt hit me as hard as COOLWATERZ reply.
Its tough.. and im taking it a day at a time.
On a serious note...i told her to get all her shit and get the fuck out last night. N when i saw her actually get her shit n leave.. i was numb.. i couldnt believe it was happening. But to actually see her leave physically was sort of relieving..like a weight off my shoulders, n last night.. i actually was able to sleep. i was able to wake up on time for work. Of course i still think bout this whole thing from time to time.. but its gettin easier.. you guys on the board from my first thread to this thread has mos def, helped me get through all this.

Thank you much, its greatly appreciated.

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"nothing is impossible, just highly improbable."