the fuck is this maturity rubbish
Posted 10-30-2007 at 09:34 AM by ill-matic
this whole "maturity" thing is a funny business. what the fuck does it actually mean? it's not something that people usually think about at 1 am, but someone recently put forth the idea that i was "way more mature" than the last time i spoke to them. initially i didnt know how the fuck to receive something like that. was it a compliment? was it an insult? or was it another way of saying im sexy? what the fuck was it? seeking assurance, i probed the girl and found that she meant it in a good way relating to the "way i talked".
huh?
the way i talked? the fuck does that mean? Did i develop, since the last time i saw her, an alsmot Barry White-esque voice? No, seriously.
Walking away, i really started to think about it. Granted i did last see her 2 years ago, i knew i had changed since then. Im wiser, sexier, and just better. Now that i think about it, that Daft Punk song pretty much sums it up. Anyway, ill save how good i am for another blog post.
Things have changed, definitely, but i think for me atleast, the whole "maturity" aspect transcends all that shit. It's something deeper than that, it's meaning has more significance. When i realised what it was, i became a little bit downtrodden because it wasn't good. What dawned on me was that i've become more serious, more unhappy, and just generally cynical and pessimistic with everything to do with life. Call me a whinger? Maybe I am..but i am who i am, and the maturity comment was that kind of "Stamp" which confirmed this shitty person ive become.
in high school, shit was good most of the time. id be running a muck, having a ball, sitting across from these girls who'd always throw leg spreads and perving. that's all good, but what i remember most is me being happier. enjoying shit more, and being generally more optimistic. but now? now it's a totally different plateau. And to me, that's what this "maturity" comment pertains to - all that has been replaced by a more 'serious' person.
Perhaps she didn't mean it like that, but to me it was just a stamp of confirmation. It was like a third party had brought substance to that idea that festered within me. And now, im left to work out where the fuck it all went wrong, and try to bring myself out of this shell into something with more light and happiness.
huh?
the way i talked? the fuck does that mean? Did i develop, since the last time i saw her, an alsmot Barry White-esque voice? No, seriously.
Walking away, i really started to think about it. Granted i did last see her 2 years ago, i knew i had changed since then. Im wiser, sexier, and just better. Now that i think about it, that Daft Punk song pretty much sums it up. Anyway, ill save how good i am for another blog post.
Things have changed, definitely, but i think for me atleast, the whole "maturity" aspect transcends all that shit. It's something deeper than that, it's meaning has more significance. When i realised what it was, i became a little bit downtrodden because it wasn't good. What dawned on me was that i've become more serious, more unhappy, and just generally cynical and pessimistic with everything to do with life. Call me a whinger? Maybe I am..but i am who i am, and the maturity comment was that kind of "Stamp" which confirmed this shitty person ive become.
in high school, shit was good most of the time. id be running a muck, having a ball, sitting across from these girls who'd always throw leg spreads and perving. that's all good, but what i remember most is me being happier. enjoying shit more, and being generally more optimistic. but now? now it's a totally different plateau. And to me, that's what this "maturity" comment pertains to - all that has been replaced by a more 'serious' person.
Perhaps she didn't mean it like that, but to me it was just a stamp of confirmation. It was like a third party had brought substance to that idea that festered within me. And now, im left to work out where the fuck it all went wrong, and try to bring myself out of this shell into something with more light and happiness.
Total Comments 5
Comments
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Quote:
Im wiser, sexier, and just better. Now that i think about it, that Daft Punk song pretty much sums it up. Anyway, ill save how good i am for another blog post.
 I know what you mean though, with your post. You feel jaded? Like you don't have as much fun as you used to? I think it happens to most of us, for a lot of people it gets worse and worse till they hit 40 and have a mid-life crisis. Just remember that you are looking back on your past with rose-tinted glasses. The good times we remember really weren't as good at the time, it just feels like they were. In 2 years time you'll probably feel the same way about the good times you had this year. It's just the way shit goes mayn. Anyway stay up. Things ain't all that bad. |
Posted 10-30-2007 at 10:18 AM by Casey Rain
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Cynicism comes with awareness and happiness, as supertramp put it, is only real when shared.
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Posted 10-30-2007 at 02:37 PM by S O F I
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lol @ casey. i was kidding around. throwing some humour into it
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Posted 10-30-2007 at 09:12 PM by ill-matic
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fuck that shit man.. i def. feel the same.. i speak my mind and alotta times people throw "maturity" out.. yeah ok.. like that's supposed to mean something... im known to many as "obtuse".. i say the racist shit.. the black joke to the black person.. the one about mexicans in car to the mexican... i dont do it to offend them.. i ask them first, is it ok? i have never had anyone tell me no.. i have never had anyone hate me, or beat my ass after i told it to them... most people dont give a shit...
most of the times i find it's the white girl that thinks she's mature.. yeah, ok you cunt.... keep putting your purse on the ground so you have to bend over every 5 mins. to pick it up when you move just to show off to the boys... wear the low rise jeans, but spend half the class with your hand on your ass checking to see if your string show up... bitch, i look at that shit if i want to... fuck growing up.. im 18 and i still play childish pranks on one my faggot roommates... i killed a cockroach and put it in his bed... i took his orange box and registered all the keys on my comp and then just uninstalled the game.. i cleaned the black shit off the toilet bowl with his electric toothbrush... and i laughed the whole damn time... now there's more to that story, but i wont get into it.. basically, women let that "girls mature faster than boys" shit get to their head... i will stare up your skirt, down your shirt, and across the room at your g-string... its not being immature, its called being a man... go on somewhere with your penis envy (by freud, i swear, go look it up)... im gonna plot something stupid and carry it out... yeah, if that made no sense, its cuz.. idunno |
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Posted 11-02-2007 at 10:28 PM by dilla
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how old are you illmatic? wait, don't say it... 1994 LAWL!!!=????!?! but okay, serious question.
i'm just thinking, if we're the same age i think i can relate a lot to the things you say, but if you're 25 i really dunno what's going on with you. anyway, i'm 22, all my friends span from 20-24 years old. so let's assume you're around there. my experience is that i've grown more cynical, pessimistic, serious, wise, all that shit. i don't necessarily have less fun though. i don't know if i'm lucky or if it's because of my philosophical nature, but i have thought good and long on this very predicament you're in. i'm not gonna say i wouldn't love being 16 and fingering girls at parties, but i didn't really have more fun back then. i was a shit kid who thought i were someone. now, i know i'm someone, but i'll still do whatever the fuck i feel like. no, not fingering 16yo's lol. i recently moved to get on with my studies, and in the same turn i kicked the hash habit. now, to quit a "drug" regardless of your motivations is supposed to be tough. i've had physical withdrawal effects for a few weeks now. i finally got around to purchasing an aquarium. so thrilled about it i got a thread running for it here, as well as on another forum. i'm not even mentioning the aqua forum i'm on. i'll occasionally sort music on my computer, which means editing ID3 v1 and ID3 v2 tags, filenames, adding covers, a txt with necessary information about the release, sorting. it's like formatting sports tables at a news paper. very boring. every night i hang out with my friends. basically, i'm doing a lot of boring shit, and a lot of shit i haven't been doing for years. like being social. i'm loving it. it's had a really positive effect on me as a person. i've developed this theory that it's natural and necessary for people to take on new things, not like playing soccer once a week but really making a big change in life on a running basis. i had this idea when i was a kid that humans were like peecee files with attributes. i needed to find and learn my attributes, and eventually i'd be the "complete" me. lol. anyway, i'm the happiest when i can do things. a mixture of new experiences, things i like to do, things i need to do, things that everybody does, etc. your pessimism probably has more to do with the girl you posted about in D4L than you might realize, and it also won't sit for as long once you deal with any situations of that kind that you might have in your life. Jokerman has been preaching "happiness comes from within" for years and so right he is. i'm not suggesting you're not happy btw. you say you're less happy than you were though, so maybe time for a lifestyle change or a major change of perception. if there's anything you're prejudice against, kill that prejudice. i'm talking, most people say that they think homosexuality is okay, but i'm always going to consider it unnatural. deep down i'll value heterosexuals more than homos and this i can't help for the moment. i'll be as nice to a homo as anyone else, but this is something i have deep down. so i'm talking about some deep prejudice that you don't even WANT to give up for some personal reason or other, stubborness, a sense of self-rightousness, a sense of having some superior opinion, or something. try to kill a similar prejudice or "mal"-thought of your own anyway. you got one lifetime, challenge yourself like that. one day, i'll deal with my homo prejudice. i think i'm in for a treat when i finally do eheheheheheheh. seriously though, i'm just babbling a lot of bullshit but maybe some of it makes sense to you. |
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Posted 08-30-2008 at 07:26 AM by Preach
Updated 08-30-2008 at 07:34 AM by Preach |
Recent Blog Entries by ill-matic
- this one is called fuck (11-15-2007)
- leave the past in the past? (11-12-2007)
- the fuck is this maturity rubbish (10-30-2007)
