My heart, it hurts

I posted this and saw that Preach would be jealous by how long it is so thanks if you read it.

I've been hanging out with this chick for about 5 months. Cool as hell, beautiful all that good stuff. We've hooked up on occassion and she is gooood. We've kept it cool no one got really attached til about a month ago when we started talkin bout getting together. So of course she has the "I have something to tell you" speech ready. I'm thinking it's something stupid, miniscule, whatever. Just something she is insecure about, like being hesitant to be in a relationship cus she has had a bad past like every other girl. I could tell she didn't want to tell me so I'm like if you don't feel comfortable talkin about it dont. I had the it's nothing type of attitude. So she waits two weeks then tells me, this was two weeks ago by the way...... Well, there is a reason she is gooood and has talents. She does porn. Seriooooooouuuusly.....I'd rather have a chick who doesn't do porn not meet me at the altar. I'm so upset. Besides the fact I've been in this girl without a condom, yeah it was that serious, who has been in in by who knows how many guys I really really liked her. She really really liked me too. Anyway, she treats me like Hiroshima and I tell her I can't be with a girl who does porn. She gets upset starts crying and I'm thinking really? You're that shocked that I responded that way? She settles down and we talk about it. She tells me she has been in so far 7 different scenes and did the first 2 a couple weeks apart and then every 3 months since. So of course I ask and yes she has done one scene why'll knowin me, it was before we had sex. still. When she told me how much she gets paid I couldnt believe it, shes like "new" to the industry and getting PAID, I thought that was interesting, but then totally irrelevant. She tries to make it sound like it's not as bad as it is like anyone would do but I go home not convinced. She works at a restaurant by the way so I had no reason to be suspicious of why she is rollin in cash like she is, I'm just thinking people tip her good cus of how good she looks. It's been 2 weeks and I haven't seen her at all, we've talked a couple times on the phone and she called me last night saying she'd quit if that's what I needed. I'm thinking it's not gonna make a difference, it shouldnt make a difference. Why waste my time to begin with, why not tell me that shit from the jump, I'm pretty pissed about it. My friends say I should just get over it and make her quit and everything will be fine. But no, I feel betrayed kind of. You dont hide that from someone. I myself think I'm overreacting but damn, this sucks. I'm just pissed that the best girl I've met in who knows how long I can't see myself being with anymore. Right now I'm contemplating on what should happen if she quits and never does that shit again. Cus the way things we're looking we were gonna be together for a while. I wanna say she is perfect but it's so cliche, but we clicked right away and it has been nothing but great since. When she introduced me to her family everyone acted like we were married and shit, it was weird. We even talked about how weird it was but she said she liked it, this was around a month back when she was droppin hints about being together. Things were just amazing and now I dont have that. These last 2 week have been rough. Usually you look at the pros and cons of a situation and The Con is just too tremendous. I hate having to let her go but I have to. I feel bad cus it's almost like I treat someone who does porn like they aren't human. Is it as bad as I think? It's not like every girl running around is a virgin, but I think there is a big difference between having sex and being in porns. At first I'm like fuck no, but she says she'll quit and it's making me second guess my initial thought. I think Imma sticking with the no but damn, shit is so frustrating. So yeah.

Lil' Wayne tells me not to care if she was a prostitute and that if she hit every man that she ever knew it wouldn't make a difference cus it was before me and her.... but that nigga trippin.

Part of me does feel cool cus I pleased a porn chick but that's irrelevant, I just want to boast a little.

and fuck the celtics